


I Am You

by K_Swiss



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Eventual reader/???, F/M, Should I even continue it or leave it as is?, hella sad, im a simp for him, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Swiss/pseuds/K_Swiss
Summary: The embers of a love that would never lose its spark. And it doesn’t. It never did.. until now. It would be a love story for the ages. Or maybe, a story that gets pushed into a vault of memories, never to be thought of again.
Relationships: Uchiha Shisui/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii I’m simping for ma luv. Also, in order to help me with my writing, I will accept requests for any imagines/scenarios/HCs off my tumblr @kswishh. 
> 
> Thanks!

Your world was broken into a million pieces. It didn’t seem possible that you could be somewhere so bright and warm and still feel in the dark. Despite already having an idea, the news had still sprung up on you like a riptide. And even in those situations, the strongest swimmers still drowned.   
  


The last words of his confession rang through your ears like a mantra. He told you everything. The coupe d’état. His suspicions on Danzo. The danger Konoha is in. Yet, the only thing you could remember... was how he could summarize something so sinister and make it sound so sweet at the same time. _I leave it to you. The best part of me, is you._  
  
It was almost poetic, and you would muse over that in your later years of life, the way he sacrificed everything for a village. That he would give up his life for a village who wouldn’t even properly remember his name. What posthumous awards? He would get none. He would just become another name. You could feel the dread surge in your body like a constant, throbbing ache. Your fingers danced around the unopened letter, tracing the ink from his perfect penmanship that you would tease him about due to his imperfect vision. Your eyes wandered off into the room, staring at particularly nothing, as you relived the last moment you had with him. Like a cassette tape, you could almost hear the sound of your brain rewinding back to the beginning, playing the memory over and over again. You wanted to remember him, his scent, his touch, for as long as you could. To remember the way his black locks felt between the tips of your fingers and the way his smile would light up a room like it was contagious. Oh, to just remember his laugh. The way his dimples would imprint into his cheeks and the corners of his eyes crinkling before he throws his head back in a howl of laughter. You used to find it so annoying when you two were younger and then as you two developed something more... it became endearing.  
  


You remembered that night like it was yesterday. The memory becoming more and more vivid as you replayed it.  
  


—

“I love you.”

You turned your head back to the sound. It was pitch black in your shared home with him but his red eyes pierced through the dark, like a lit torch. You hadn’t seen him the whole day, not even noticing he had left that morning until you woke up to see the side of his bed already empty and cold. An indicator he had been gone for hours. Yet, you couldn’t even be mad at him when he stepped into the light from the moon. You couldn’t even chastise him when you noticed his look.   
  


Shisui had briefly discussed his suspicions with you, but never brought you completely into the loop with his findings. He had mentioned that his disappearances would be more common, and you didn’t question it. Maybe because you didn’t want to know the truth. Your lover has always told you something that instilled into your heart amongst other words of wisdom he’s given you. _There’s no good or bad, just a winning side._ Your loyalty was to Konoha and the safety of it and in the event that if you had to pick sides—  
  


Shisui stepped closer to you, until his body was in between your legs that dangled off the bed. He stared down at you with something you couldn’t put your finger on. His expression was mostly guarded, which caught you by surprise, but through small slivers in his facade, you could see apprehension. Like he knew he shouldn’t be here with you. Without you, he was in high regards as one of the most impressive shinobi. Men feared him. However, with you, the most feared men from rival villages was putty in your hands and boy, oh boy, would that boost your ego. In this exact moment, you didn’t feel as confident as you normally would, to be in front of the Body Flicker because you knew that this facade of his was a result of a long-term planning. The reason why he was gone for longer lengths of time. The reason he would be much more needier around you, rarely letting you have your own space when he was home.   
  
Your heart clenched. He sounded so broken as he ushered out his words of affection. Defeated. Yet, the Uchiha in him was able to keep his voice even. You leaned closer to finally kiss him and you didn’t want to let go, ever. You didn’t want to let him go. Not yet, and as his hands trailed down your arms you could hear him say he loved you again. Feel his voice vibrate against your neck in a way that had you clawing for him. You couldn’t let him go.   
  


Shisui was always an affection person, but never hands-on in public. You got the best of him in private when it was behind closed doors. His love rivaled no other and you would contest to that in present-day, over and over again. He was one of the men that aimed to please. He loved to learn your body. Loved to find the spots that would turn you into a stumbling mess. He loved to tease the areas that had you make the most beautiful sounds to his ears. How could anyone top him? Everything about him was so enigmatic. He was a force to be reckoned with, on and off the field. Yet, his heart was so pure even though he saw so much pain. His calloused hands killed so many people but were so gentle on the curves of your hips and the crevices of your body. His soul was like no other. Loyal to the end. And as his body meshed against yours onto the shared bed, hips moving in tandem against each other and hands interlaced while his deep breaths fawned against your ear as he kept telling you the same three words over and over again... it crossed your mind, how could you ever leave him?  
  


The moment of bliss and ecstasy ended too soon. Much shorter than the moments he would normally take with you and under the impression he would wash up with you in the bathroom, instead he slipped back into his clothes. You chewed the inside of your cheek as you sat up. You didn’t want to ask the question you knew he couldn’t answer. It was an unspoken question that he understood when he turned around to look at you. _Will you come back to me?_ But, the insistence in you asked in another form anyway. “I’ll see you soon?”   
  


His lack of a response was a response in itself. No. Instead, he walked over to the side of his bed and pulled out a small box from the dresser. His perceptiveness was always on-point and he handed you the box with a warm smile. A smile that you wanted to see for the rest of your life. A smile that could melt the coldest hearts. And it was like, as if just for a moment, your unease washed away when you took the box from him, fingertips brushing against each other like sparks of electricity. Fuck, you loved him so much.   
  


You slowly opened the box, glancing up at him to gauge his expression. His eyes were soft but faraway, like he was guarding a terrible secret. You just wanted to cradle him and tell him to stay, but you knew he wouldn’t. He was too proud. Too loyal. Too invested at this point. And you knew that his morals and resolve would never let him, so you opened the box and your eyes widened at the necklace that sat tucked into the velvet cushion. A silver chained necklace with a diamond inline drop that hung off of it. A prong of diamonds that sparkled so brightly when the light of the moon hit it.   
  


“I couldn’t wait until our anniversary.” He admitted, chuckling softly and circled around the bed, back over to you. He plucked the necklace from its box and without a word needed, you lifted the hair off your neck, embellishing the feeling of him being so close to you as he clasped the necklace around you.   
  


You felt the coolness of the metal against your skin and twisted your body to face him, eyes staring up at him with more fear than confusion. You were not daft and maybe your biggest fault was believing that ignorance is bliss. He couldn’t wait because whatever he was doing tonight... could possibly be the reason why he wouldn’t be around in the next few days. His simple words a confession within itself and you weren’t sure if someone was listening in on you two and maybe that’s why his messages were so cryptic. Why he couldn’t tell you anything except that he loved you. And it seemed like no matter how close you two were, he was millions of miles apart from you. You reached to touch his cheek, the flush still present from the time you two spent in bed a few moments ago. You tried to find the words. The right words, but your mouth was so dry and you couldn’t feel anything except a small tear creep at the corner of your eye. You let out a shuddered breath, one that you’ve been holding since you felt thrown off from his demeanor when he entered through the door. God, how you just wanted to hold on to him and never let go. “I will love you, _forever_.” The words almost get stuck in your throat and it feels like it’s closing up. Because maybe this is a goodbye and you don’t want to say goodbye. Your heart is crying for him, trying to reach him, to beg for him to stay and you see his facade crumble slightly from your form. You’re falling apart and he’s starting to as well.

Shisui sucks in a deep breath, his hand never trembled once as he brushes a strand of hair from your face. He won’t look away from you, despite the tears that blurred your vision and mucus forming at the bottom of your nose. You’re not sure how he can look at you like you’re the most beautiful thing on this earth even as the world feels like it is starting to crumble. How he can continue to look at you with such a warm gaze despite the fact that he knows what he has to do? He’s trying to find the right thing to say, because he’s not sure if there’s someone perched outside and he leans down to your ear, murmuring something—a confession—. Something that you would be able to use as leverage when he’s gone, and to an outsider, it simply looks like a pair of lovers in love, because it is. A love that would end too soon. A love that would never be able to fully blossom into a life of a family and kids. He would become a distant memory. Something that you would look back on in your later years of life and reminisce. Two kids who grew up and fell in love with each other. Best friends until you weren’t. Until you both realized simultaneously that you two were hopelessly in love with each other. So young with so much potential, you both rise ranks quickly—albeit him quicker—and it would almost become a competition. Who gets the better missions? Who’d finish it quicker? Who can out drink the other? All these little games you would play with each other, only fueled the fire. The embers of a love that would never lose its spark. And it doesn’t. It never did.. until now. It would be a love story for the ages. Or maybe, a story that gets pushed into a vault of memories, never to be thought of again.  
  


Your eyes are fixed on the door behind him as he whispers into your ear and then he kisses your cheek, then your forehead, then the nose, and finally your lips. A soft smile, that damning smile, brightens his face and you can finally see it. His eyes glistening from a tear that wants to form. He stares at you as if he’s committing you to memory. And finally.. finally. He backs away because if he doesn’t, his heart won’t follow through. And you want to jump and reach for him. To yank him back to you and you’re almost convinced you’re about to, because your hands reach for him, for a distancing figure. The most monumental person in your life and he slips through your grasps so easily. Because he is who he is. Too good for this tainted world. Too pure for a corrupted village. And he flickers away as your hands hit the door instead. You can’t contain your emotions as you lean your head against the wooden frame, almost slumping into it. Your chest is hurting from the lingering scent of him that’ll soon disappear... like he would.

How can a love so strong hurt so fucking bad? 


	2. Together, Always

The massacre created an uncertainty within the village. No one knew who to turn to. If something so heinous could have happened under everyone’s nose, which clan would be next? Is there even a sense of loyalty anymore? Who all was involved? Heads automatically turned to you when Itachi fled. You were put under heavy scrutiny, including questioning that border-lined interrogation. The Sandaime kept coaxing you that it was just protocol, but Danzo’s narrow eye and the fact Kakashi and Yugao were placed to keep watch over you was just simply icing on the cake. You weren’t to be trusted.

Itachi had left behind his little brother and Sasuke Uchiha was left with the hurt. A boy who was left to fend for himself. To attempt to pick up the pieces of his whole family being slaughtered. A child who had no one anymore. Not even his brother. He was left to be seen as the remaining piece of an almost extinct clan. Murmurs that he was a traitor would be spread and sprung into his pale ears. Murmurs that would lead him to make unforgivable choices.

Out of respect for Shisui and his last wishes, you took him in despite the fact you had no idea what to do. He was still emancipated due to there being no blood relatives left, but you had given him a spare room. Bought him clothes. Things to help him in the Academy. You had no siblings and everyday, you were left to wonder how in the hell you were supposed to care for someone else. Let alone yourself? You were just a young adult left to pick up your own pieces. You’re mourning over the love of your life killing himself, then ridding his body to the world. You remember his last wish, to watch over Sasuke and Itachi, but most importantly to fulfill the promise of taking care of a boy who’s heart had turned cold. It was damning, really. You weren’t sure if you should even feel proud that he placed this must trust in you or angry that he would leave you here to pick up those damned pieces.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard soft footsteps enter in your home from the first floor. Reluctantly picking yourself up from the floor of a bathroom. Your bathroom, where you found solace in the small confines of your bathroom. You realized how thin you were. You haven’t been eating, instead binge drinking with some other individuals you would call your friends—Anko, Kurenai—then coming home to sob into your pillow whenever you caught the whiff of Shisui from his pillow. The side of his bed was never touched. You would stare at where he would usually sleep and if you were drunk enough, you could see him vividly. The rise and fall from his bare chest and his eyes closed with the covers barely covering over his naked hips. If you were drunk enough, you could even see him awake, laying on his side and staring back at you with a warm smile. You could hear him say with the usual lilt in his tone from the heavy confines of sleep and pure adoration, “Now why would you let yourself get so drunk like this?” And then you would cry and curse and scream into your pillow, the ache he left in your heart being too much to handle. Too much to bare. You would cry yourself to sleep, waking up the next day with emptiness in your soul. You were given paperwork that was in no means classified. Petty work while the Anbu worked on how to proceed. Until you could be cleared of the account. How could he leave you like this? You were convinced it would hurt much less if he had never given into you. If you had never approached him due to his charismatic charm. Memories of when you first met him in the academy. He was like fucking honey and you were a bee. Flocking to him because his smile and laugh was too bright and loud. Entranced by his humor because you heard the stories of how Uchihas were. Infatuated by his boyish charm because he had taken a liking to you and promised to have your back if you had his. If you two had never crossed the threshold of friends into lovers, you wouldn’t be here. In a house too big filled with too much memories. It wasn’t fair and it honestly just fucking hurt.

The two of you fought so well together, knowing how each other would fight. It only became prevalent to send you two on missions together, just because it was so easy and most of the time, missions went by without a hitch. You hated that on the mission, the two of you would flirt with each other whilst fighting off rogue-nins. “Careful there, wouldn’t want your beautiful face to get scratched.” He would cheekily grin, his sharingan burning into you, exposing you all to him. You would roll your eyes, seamlessly pursuing the enemy.

Just to show off, you would incapacitate the enemy from moving, letting Shisui land the finishing blow. After, you would blow a kiss to him with a wink. “Saved him for you, love.”

Shisui could only laugh despite just killing someone. Eyes twinkling with mirth from your flamboyant gesture.You had his back and he had yours. To the very end.

A particular moment that you remember more vividly than others causes you to slouch back down to the ground at the foot of the steps. 

—

_It was an ambush and you had fallen for a trap, surrounded by too many enemies. You were able to kill a few of them, but you were alone and easily outnumbered. Shisui had sensed something was off and appeared right when a blade was about to lodge into you. “Oh, look. My savior is here.” You sarcastically drawled, back against his as you two fought off the remaining individuals._

_Shisui smirked, leaning his head back slightly to bump the back of your head. “I’m just convinced you want me to fight for you.” What he said took you by surprise, because you sensed an underlying meaning. But, you didn’t have time to jump into semantics with him when you were getting bombarded with flying kunai and an incredibly strong ninja. It wasn’t until everyone else was dead and you finally faced him did you notice his irritation._

_“Look, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have wandered off.” You started, already waiting for him to berate you with your carelessness. He was a different man on missions. Still Shisui but much more Uchiha. It didn’t help you two were put on a basic mission instead of accompanying the others on an S-Ranked because of your inability to stand down from him._

_He scoffed, tucking his kunai back in his pouch and glanced around the bodies while simultaneously scanning the surroundings for any other enemies in hiding. When the coast was clear, his eyes switched back to his usual dark eyes. He looked back at you and just shook his head. “We’ll talk later, come on.”_

_You sighed and followed behind him through the woods, feet propelling off each branch momentarily before landing on another as you two headed back to the village through the darkness in silence. You weren’t injured but a bit scathed from eating dirt a couple of times. Quite frankly, you felt horrible for even getting in that position because you didn’t want to be around him. He was too fucking friendly. His kindness could easily be mistaken for flirting and that was what happened when you two were tasked with escorting a feudal lord’s daughter safely back to her town. It was an easy mission, or supposed to be, the both of you getting the short end of the stick on missions when you two were caught in a heated argument in the Anbu compound. As a punishment, you two were doing bitch work which set the start of the mission on the wrong foot anyways._

_Feelings were a complicated thing and you loathed how it could play a part into the simplest of things. You were part of Anbu for a reason and the most easiest thing of just separating feelings from work seemed impossible whenever you it was just a mission between you two. He always had to make a comment on how good you looked in civilian clothes and then he would go and tell the feudal lord’s daughter that she looked breathtaking in her change of clothes. As off-handish as it seemed, it just irritated you beyond words, but you pushed it back to the caverns of your mind, telling yourself multiple times that you were probably just pissed because you got put doing a simple task with person who was the root of why an argument entailed._

_He always had a comment to make on your form, whether it be the way you held your weapon or your stance when you were preparing for an attack. It was a petty argument, and you spat at him that you were an Anbu as well, and the last time that you checked, he wasn’t your commander. Of course, he had every reason to comment on it, you weren’t on your A-game and because of your lack of taking his advice, you ended up in the predicament you were in now._

_The night returning from the mission, you two went out for drinks, not together, no. You just had the same group of friends._

_You downed your shot easily, barely grimacing from the liquid that traveled down your throat. You were sitting diagonal from Shisui and beside Hayate who had insisted he was just there for the sake of being the responsible adult to escort anyone who was too drunk to find their way back home. Shisui sat next to Yugao, his arm hung casually over her chair as he looked at anywhere but you. It was forced conversation at best, the tension between you and him so thick, a sharp knife would be needed to cut it, or a butcher knife._

_“So... the mission went well?” Hayate asked cautiously. He was holding a glass of water, watching the door out of a force of habit. Of course it went well, it was an easy mission a Genin could do. He heard through the grapevine that your blow-up with Shisui in front of the other teams was embarrassing at best. Shisui had commented that you weren’t a good candidate to be a team-captain and as a result you exploded on him... in front of almost everyone. The mission you two were originally set to go on, to pursue some rogue ninjas switched to the lowest form of a what one would call a mission when the Sandaime caught wind of the engagement._

_You grunted in response, downing another shot as quickly, ignoring Yugao who had lifted her glass to cheers you. The purple-haired female shook off your briskness by just drinking her drink casually. You noticed her glance to Hayate, her crush on him was sickening. If you were in better moods, you would have even been her side-kick in pursuing him. However, you were in a sour mood and maybe if you had enough alcohol in you, you’d be more willing to loosen up. Maybe._

_“It was fine.” Shisui responded for you, sipping at his sake. He didn’t bother to indulge in where it went awry, finding it better to not continue to embarrass you when you were already in an ill-mood. In better circumstances, he would have exploited it, using it to tease you, just to see your brows furrow and your eyes flash._

_“Was the city pretty?” Yugao asked, smiling at the group. She was attempting to cut through the tension with a butter knife. Not working._

_You turned your body and gestured to the bartender to bring another round of shots._

_“Yeah, it was.” Shisui returned her smile, and back to awkward silence it went._

_Hayate sighed, maybe the third within fifteen minutes, and glanced at the round of shots placed in front of you. “You... sure?”_

_You poured one of the glasses into the other one, deeming a double shot would be much more bearable in the moment and tossed it back into your mouth, reaching for your chaser. Another non-response. Hayate would have better luck talking to a wall._

_Shisui watched you carefully, his lips pressed at the lid of the cup. It was your fifth shot within the hour and he knew if you took another one, you might be well off to getting closer in expressing why you were in a sour mood. Well, it could either go that way or you end up throwing up in a ditch outside. Either way, he was going to be tasked in taking care of you. The joy of being your best friend. “You should probably slow down.”_

_“You need to mind your fucking business for once.” You snapped. Here it goes._

_Shisui raised a brow and took a long sip from his drink. He set the cup down lightly, ready to come up with a response when Yugao interrupted._

_Yugao laughed awkwardly, searching to get Hayate’s attention. “Maybe we should give you two some space?”_

_Hayate hopped up out his chair instantaneously. Getting caught in the crossfire between you two was never fun. “Yes, I think I forgot something.” He waved a farewell, the purple-haired woman in tow beside him._

_“Why are you so angry?” Shisui finally asked, pushing the chair in that Yugao so hastily left out of, before he situated his arm back on the top of it._

_You rolled your eyes. “I’m not angry.”_

_“Are too.”_

_“I am not!”_

_Shisui snorted and took another sip, more like a gulp at this point. He glanced at the bartender and smiled, lifting his empty glass before mouthing a thank you to him. “You scared away everyone because you’re in a bad mood.”_

_“Then leave, I’ll drink by myself.” You scoffed._

_Shisui hummed, pretending to contemplate your words. “Nah, I’ll just stay.” He smiled innocently._

_You rolled your eyes and huffed, crossing your arms. “You’re the worst.”_

_“Oh, how so?”_

_“You always flirt with everyone, it’s so annoying. Like can you keep your dick in your pants for once and just do your job?” You babbled, the alcohol was definitely giving you some balls._

_Shisui furrowed his brows. “What? I haven’t-“ he stopped himself, brows raising in realization, “oh, you’re jealous!”_

_“It’s annoying, Shisui, annoying!” You responded, grabbing the next shot and staring at the brown liquid with a grimace._

_Shisui grinned, reaching over to grab the shot glass in your hand. “It was harmless, so why are you so upset?”_

_You glowered at him, watching him take the shot you were about to drink. “Forget it.” You mumbled._

_He looked at you and then shrugged. “Okay.” He knew at this point, you were going to tell him anyways and even if he did find why you were mad as stupid and childish, he wouldn’t say it. Dealing with an angry you was worse than chasing a bull with a red flag. He would tell anyone, especially the people you’ve dated, don’t antagonize you. Besides, you were at the point of spilling your emotions in three, two..._

_“I just think it’s so funny how you can tell me I look good and then tell another girl five minutes later that they look ‘breathtaking’” you air-quoted, arms crossing over your chest again. You were border-line drunk and your best friend grinning at you was starting to piss you off._

_Shisui blinked. “I was just being nice?”_

_“Or being a fucking flirt.”_

_He sighed. “Why does it matter anyways? I’m single and she is too. At least I think she is, or she said she was put in arranged marriage... wait.” He thought, pursing his lips as he tried to remember._

_You glared. “That’s not the point, Shisui!”_

_“Pray tell then, y/n.”_

_You opened your mouth and closed it, instead opting on taking the last shot in front of you. You didn’t have an idea on why you were jealous. The both of you dated other people for a short moment of time, each relationship failing because they found it odd you two stayed in the same house as roommates. And they found it odd that you two would tease each other so much. And it didn’t help that after each breakup, you two would be there for each other to console each other. Spending a night in the town to drink away the sorrows of a breakup or going to the training grounds to burn off energy. You two were friends for so long, a relationship with each other just seemed out of the picture._

_“Just forget it, Shisui. Sorry for getting mad over nothing.” You conceded. It would be much easier to just apologize than trying to dissect why you felt the way you did._

_Shisui shrugged. “Alright, then. Ready to go?”_

_“I’m probably just going to go on a walk and then I’ll go home.” You responded, laying some bills on the table before you got up to leave._

_He followed your movements and walked with you, grinning at your irritated expression._

_“I said I am, not we.”_

_Shisui wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He was living for your irritation, triumphant actually. “There is no I in team.”_

_“Ugh, you’re so annoying.” You groaned, not bothering to force yourself out from his grip._

_He only laughed, leaning his head on the top of your head. “Shut up, you love me.”_

_Despite you being drunk, you froze for a split second. The gears in your head grinding to understand your emotions and that’s when it hit you. You did love him. But, not as the way you thought you did, no. It was different now. And you weren’t sure when it changed. When your love crossed the threshold. You prayed he didn’t notice your shift because your heart was starting to pick up the pace—not from the poison you downed into your veins—no, it was from something else._

_Shisui, always perceptive, noticed your pause and pulled away from you. He tilted his head slightly, when realization crossed him. “Wait... you-“_

_“Stop.” You interrupted, staring back at him as if you were trying to put two and two together. Because you were and as you pieces the feelings in your heart, you could only shift on the balls of your feet in anxiousness._

_“Y/n,-“_

_“I said stop.” You responded, and sighed. Hands coming to the sides of your face to drag down the skin in an attempt to sober yourself up. The cool air did nothing to ease the heat pooling into your cheeks or the thumping of your heart from the adrenaline rush and alcohol._

_Shisui suppressed the quick retort that was bubbling at his throat and stepped forward to you, reaching for one of your hands and waited cautiously to see if you would pull away from him. You didn’t. He opted on not to speak, and prayed you wouldn’t run away, his grip on your hand tightened._

_Normally you didn’t run, you were always one to stand your ground, despite being embarrassed. Maybe talk yourself out of an embarrassing conversation, but never run. It was one of your better traits, that Shisui would come to love. However, he could see your apprehension and your confusion. And he could see how you wanted to pull away from his grip because he was maybe about a step closer to your face._

_“Wow, this is awkward.” You laughed softly, and averted your gaze momentarily because his eyes were piercing and it was like he was staring at you under a microscope. He might as well have just activated his sharingan. Finally, you met his gaze once more. “I don’t know... when it changed.”_

_“When what changed?” He asked, his eyes softening._

_“When... the love changed.” You clarified. It was still ominous. Still kind of confusing. But Shisui got it, because his eyebrows raised slightly and his lips twitched upwards. And you felt your cheeks turn red because this was so awkward. And if he rejected you, it would ruin the friendship and you’d have to find a new place and probably find new friends.. and probably beg Kakashi to help you transfer to a different team... and-_

_“I love you too.”_

_“Huh?” You blinked._

_Shisui smiled, and pulled you into his arms, laughing when you stumbled over your feet. It was only a few steps to him but you were flustered. “I love you, too.” He repeated. His voice soft and his other hand going to your cheek. He still held onto your hand because he didn’t want you to run away._

_“But, won’t that complicate things? Like I’ll have to transfer teams because of fraternization and then, we have to figure out-“_

_Shisui placed his lips on yours, silencing you with a gentle kiss. Cautious even. He smiled against your lips when you kissed him back, inching closer to you when your free arm wrapped around his neck. He would always tell you that nothing beat the first kiss you two shared, despite you reeking of alcohol._

_“I’m hungry.” You muttered, breaking apart from him and smiling when he laughed._

_“Okay, let’s go get some food.. girlfriend?”_

_You grinned and held his hand, strolling back into the town. “Say that again, it sounds really good.”_

_“Fine, but only if you wash dishes for the week.” He laughed when you swatted at his shoulder._

_“You’re such an ass!”_

_“You love me.”_

—

You find yourself at sitting the bottom of the steps, zoned out from the memory that just hit you. Blinking back into focus, you finally notice Sasuke seated at the dining table, scribbling on his homework. There is a solemn presence to him despite him writing away. It’s in his posture, how he’s slouched forward.

“Sit up straight.” You gently speak, smiling when he looks over your way in surprise.

Sasuke does as instructed but says nothing. He stares at you with scathing eyes that hold more pain and hurt.

You nod—more to yourself than him—and pat at his back before you find your way to the kitchen, rummaging through an empty fridge. You don’t know how to be a guardian, let alone a sister figure. And you’re not even sure if you’re prepared for it. But, if there’s one thing you do know, it’s that you never run away. You can’t because it’s not in you to give up.

“Are you hungry?” You ask, pulling out some vegetables and protein.

“A little bit.” Sasuke admits from where he’s sitting, his feet dangling off the chair as he absentmindedly gazes around the living room. His gaze pauses on the picture of you and Shisui.

It’s a portrait of the two of you staring into each other’s eyes with a wide smile in front of a blurred out field.

His gaze goes to another picture, a portrait of Shisui in his jonin vest. The picture is a requirement of all Anbu members, considered a ‘death-picture’. It would be the picture used in formal events if someone dies. Something fitting for this moment particularly. Sasuke can only feel his heart clench in pain and lowers his eyes back to his homework. His fingers touch at the base of his eyes as he tries to refocus his gaze.

You finally sit beside him after putting everything on the stove and peer at his homework. “Do you need help?”

“No.” Sasuke mumbled.

You notice his rigidness but don’t question it. “Alright.”

There’s a few moments of silence. His fingers clasp at the pen but he makes no gesture to move. You’re thrumming your fingers on the table, still watching him. Observing him even, to search for any telltale signs of his distress. To learn him and his subtle cues.

“Does it hurt?” Sasuke finally asks, turning to face you.

“Everyday.” You already know what he’s talking about and can only smile softly. Because you don’t want him to see you cry. And you want him to know that you’re there for him. You will be there for him until he doesn’t need you anymore. Shisui’s request running so clear in your head as you stare into dark eyes that remind you of him.

Sasuke frowns. “How do you handle it?”

You reach for his small hand, ignoring how he flinches. Your gaze is soft and you squeeze his hand gently. He’s so small, just a boy. A boy who’s seen more pain than anyone around him. He’s alone. The indication from his cold hands present.

“Just take it day by day.” What else are you supposed to say? You can barely keep yourself together and was placed on administrative leave. Shisui’s death took a toll on you on your well-being. Everything in the damned house reminded you of him.

From dinners you two would make together, or the love he would make to you on the couch. Or how he would pin you against the wall as he fucked you after a particularly long mission. Even down to the steps, when you two couldn’t get your hands off each other. The bedroom, where you last saw him. The bathroom when you would cry from a tough day and he would run a bath for you. The kitchen playing moments where every morning you two would drink a coffee or tea before leaving to work.

“It’s not easy, but, you have to find a way to keep going. Keep living.” You whisper, voice cracking and not noticing Sasuke squeezing your hand back. “I got you.”

Sasuke finally smiles or at least what you think is a smile. He inches forward to you and is hesitant on whether he wants to hug you or not and freezes when you engulf him in a tight hug. His eyes shutting instantly from the warmth as tears prick at his lids.

You bite your lip, blinking away tears as the boy shakes in your hold, your chest becoming drenched by salty tears that finally escape out of his eyes. You slowly look at the picture of Shisui and bite your lip.Would he be happy? Proud of you even? That you’re trying to hold yourself together for the sake of his baby cousin? Had he been here, would Itachi have stayed? Would the two of them take measures in rebuilding the Uchiha clan?

You would never know, only hope. Hope that you can build this boy to be a man. Hope that he can be even any inch of a person Shisui was. Hope that he would learn to do great things. Wonderful things even. You had to make sure of it. You need to. Because you are the best part of Shisui, or so he says. And what he left behind is for you to pick up the torch, to trail-blaze his legacy of a peaceful world.

You finally notice something out of sorts. The presence you feel outside your home is unrecognizable. It’s not Kakashi’s or Yugao’s. And you wonder if it’s someone watching Sasuke. Was it Danzo? Someone from Root, maybe? You couldn’t put a finger on it, but as Sasuke continued to sob into you, your hand instinctively reached for the kunai that was strapped under the table. You were able to nimbly pluck it off the strap without a sound. Slowly pulling him off you, you duck your head to look into his eyes. “Go to my office, okay?”

Sasuke wipes at his eyes with his fists. He was weary but nods nonetheless and followed your order.

You wait until the door to your office closes before you walk to the back of your house, sliding the glass door open as you step onto the porch. You search the shadows of every nook and crannywithin your peripheral, eventually searching every inch of the surrounding area when you spot it. You fling the kunai straight at it, watching as the crow screeches when its wing is hit by the weapon. Despite its injury, the crow continues to flap its un-injured wing, disappearing off towards the north.

Your eyes narrow and you step towards the parchment of paper that flutters to the ground. Picking up the piece of paper, your eyes widen. The presence is long gone at this point but the wording is too precise. Only a select few knew of it.

_Kotoamatsukami._

You burn the piece of paper with a simple jutsu, making sure the parchment is only ashes before it breezes off with the wind.


	3. Divided, We Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is gonna be hella boring but it gives a backstory on reader and her relationship with Kakashi. Also, I apologize for the excessive use of profanity lol. Since it’s 2nd person, I wanted to give more in-depth into how reader reacts and thinks. && I like to believe that Anbu is similar to military as far as a battalion, company, and then a team. With that, I put an emphasis on the relationship between people in Anbu and like to HC that they meet together for team-building and just times to decompress and de-stress. Also, sorry for the mentions of alcohol-use and etc. It plays a part with the reader later on, trust me. Read between the lines!

One piece of parchment was enough to have you shook. A well renowned Anbu and you’re freaking out over a piece of paper. PAPER. Your father would be rolling in his grave by now. Probably cackling, too.

You remember sprinting to the Hokage office, chakra propelling you to move faster than a normal civilian and ignoring Kakashi’s surprised—lack of surprise—look. You know, the one he uses so well? The silver-haired captain of yours was hard to read. Always, but you knew him well enough to see the slight shock in his pupils. You were out of sorts, hair ruffled, shirt drenched in the wet remnants of someone else’s sobs—thanks ducky, your new nickname to the poor boy—, your eyes almost deranged. You looked almost feral. He would’ve teased you, probably commenting that you looked like a cretin raised from the dead, the opposite of how you carried yourself normally, if he didn’t know how disarrayed you were. Usually, you’d be put together enough to have a least a little respect for yourself and the others around you.

“A crow?” Kakashi’s question is linked more as an uncertain statement. His arms were crossed beside the Sandaime, watching you become derailed—well, more than usual. He had come up with two conclusions: one, you lost your mind, or two, you’re reaching for something that isn’t there.

You swallow the pit back down your throat. “But, what’s written on the paper—it left—was more confusing.”

Kakashi and the Sandaime wait for you to continue. Maybe it was the nerves, or the fact this was the closest thing to human interaction you’ve had in a while without being out of your mind wasted. Either way, both of them looked at you as if you’d lost your brain and then some. “What was written on it?” Kakashi finally asks, humor laced his tone, even though it was anything but.

“Shisui’s genjutsu that he was going to use on the clan!” You spurt out and immediately clasp your mouth when you saw Kakashi’s furrowed brows. He didn’t know. Which means the cat’s out the bag now. Whoops.

The Sandaime sighs, a hand coming to his forehead. He was in the process ofpinching the bridge of his nose when you speak again.

“It’s odd—really—because only a few know about it and I’m not sure anyone can just summon a crow! Maybe it’s Itachi?” You’re rambling, hands moving enthusiastically with your findings, because maybe, just maybe, they’ll put you back in the game. Maybe they’ll let you investigate it. Besides, you’re the only one who knew the clan well enough. Other than ducky.

“I suggest you leave it alone. I’ll task Kakashi to handle it.”

Your mouth drops. “But, I’m the one who found it.”

“And you’re also the closest linked to it.”

“Well, Kakashi has a fucking eye from them!”

The Sandaime sighs, louder this time. Maybe from your profanity or your lack of mannerism. “You need to. Leave. It. Alone.” He broke out each word in a staccato, his dark eyes meeting yours, signifying his word is final.

You want to stomp your feet like a child, yell and tell them you’re the best at following a lead from the Uchiha. Your gut is telling you that Itachi or whoever wouldn’t just leave anything for anyone. They’re too smart to leave paper trails. It’s a sign or a gesture. Your head turns to Kakashi, who still leans against the wall with his arms crossed and an interested twinge in his gaze. Color him intrigued, he wants in on the mission, too.

“Come on Captain!” You press your palms together, puppy eyes and lips pursing. The whole nine yards. “You know I’m the best one for the job. Put me in coach!” ~~Usually, your begging works.~~ Who are you kidding? It never works.

The copy-cat ninja appraises you, a small smile twitches underneath his mask that quickly vanishes as soon as it appears. “Sorry, you’re still on administrative leave.”

You frown and look between him and the Sandaime. “So, what? You’re just gonna let whoever got away with this, get away? Just let Shisui die in vain? You don’t really think Itachi killed his whole family, do you?”

“Y/n.” He warns. At this point, you’re not sure who spoke.

“Someone stole Shisui’s eyes because they knew what he was planning. You’re just going to brush it under the rug? He died from this! From protecting Konoha! You have to involve me in this. What if it happens again to du- Sasuke?!” Your tone made the Hokage’s brow twitch, once again.

It’s only when Kakashi has a grip on your forearms behind your back did you notice him pulling you out the office. Out of earshot, you hear his cool tone. “You need to control your temper.”

“I’m tired of people telling me what to do. You know I’m the best one to figure this out.”

“It’s not about that. It’s that you’re too personally invested.” Kakashi eases you into an empty break-room, closing the door behind him and locking it with a simple hand gesture, interlacing his chakra with the lock.

You pinch your brows, taking a seat on top of the table. “I can separate my feelings, Taicho. You taught me that.”

“Yes, but, if you’re face to face with Itachi or Danzo, what would you do? You’d act out of emotion.”

“You don’t know that!”

“I do. Because I’m your lead. You are brilliant and bright, but you need to let us handle it. Take care of Sasuke. Take care of yourself.” He emphasizes, gesturing to your wrinkled and soiled shirt and the fact you had on bedroom slippers instead of actual sandals.

You look down at your clothes, crossing your arms. “I’ll be better on the field, you know that.”

“You would, but you’d be even better if you took care of yourself.” Kakashi smiles, patting your arm gently. “What did I teach you?”

You huff and mimic his low voice. “Gotta be good off field to be better on the field.”

“And you’re not okay, that’s fine.” Kakashi eases, “but this is a sensitive mission. Feelings cannot get involved.”

You nod in defeat. Because he has a point. Anyone with common sense knows how dangerous it is to bring emotions into a mission. How easy it would be to be manipulated. But, you can’t help yourself wonder. Wonder how it’s going to pan out. “Will you keep me in the loop, then?”

Kakashi hesitates, his gaze averting to the lone coffee-pot in the room.

“Please?” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

He sighs in his own defeat, rubbing your shoulder. “Yes, I will. But, this stays between us. They’ll place a new person on watch over you to take my place. I’ll stop by during their break.”

You finally smile. It’s little but, you’ll take it. You can trust him. You’d trust him with your life on the field, even if his training tactics are... questionable. “I have some things in my office that might be of use, if you’re still willing to keep it between us.”

He raises a brow. 

“It’s scrolls that Shisui took from the Naka Shrine. I’ve tried to read them but I’m not sure if it needs something specifically.”

“Like the Sharingan.”

“Exactly, I can’t decipher it. So maybe.. it would be better use to you in this operation.”

“Who do you trust here?”

You blink. “Sorry?”

He nods his head back towards the hall outside. “Who do you trust here?”

You place a finger on your chin as you think. “Definitely not Danzo, I’m not sure who else”

“Find some people that you can trust, if you’re right, we’ll need a team to deploy.”

You blink. “If I’m.. wait.. do you suspect-“

“You said it yourself, only a select few knew of the genjutsu he was going to use. Which means it sections off a very large amount of people. Two of the ones who knew about the plan are conveniently gone or dead, one is within our reach, and then the Sandaime. Why would Danzo leave a note at your door?”

“To test my loyalty?”

“Your loyalty was never in question, y/n. It’s your emotions. You haven’t had a good track record in... maintaining it when it comes to a specific..—It was just protocol.”

You want to breathe a sigh of relief from his words if he didn’t indicate your lack of control of your emotions.

“So you think that Itachi is trying to reach me?”

“Or Shisui.”

You shake your head. Nope. Not entertaining the thought. “He’s dead.”

“His body was never found.”

“He’s dead!”

“Presumed dead.”

Like a wave crashing into the rock, and you’re the rock. All the secrecy, the questionings. The people outside your home. “Wait, you guys never thought for a minute he actually died—”

Kakashi relents his gaze and scratches at the side of his face. “That’s why the mission doesn’t include you. It’s a conflict of interest.”

“Is Danzo leading it?”

“No.”

Your head drops and you stare at your slippers, trying to make sense of the news that hit you like a brick. “Why would he run?”

“A failed mission, clan is massacred, it’s an easy out.”

“But... he loved Konoha.”

You hear his sigh and steel your emotions. Kakashi has five different types of sighs: annoyed, relieved, tired, content, and then this one... Sick of your bullshit, sigh. Specifically reserved for you.

“This is why you’re not on the mission. You’re thinking emotionally, not strategically.”

You nod slowly almost as if you’re convincing yourself. “They would trust Danzo’s word over Shisui’s.”

“Exactly. And as a result, a failed mission and a massacre.. there must have been a disconnect of communication. Danzo would frame Shisui & Itachi. As a result, the two flee. It’d be easier that way, no?”

“But, why run?”

“Your word alone isn’t substantial to save face. Neither is the Sandaime’s. Danzo has clout. He’s well respected, older, more people would back his word. The Sandaime would do what’s easiest for the village, not necessarily what’s right. It’s politics.”

Kakashi glances at the clock on the wall and pushes himself off the table he leaned on beside you. “Get the scrolls in order, I’ll stop by later to pick them up.”

You fake a salute with your index and middle finger, hopping off the table. “Yes, sir.”

“Oh, and y/n,” Kakashi turns his head slightly to look at you, while he was midway out the door, he did his usual eye smile, “please take care of yourself. You’re a skilled Anbu, don’t let it go to waste.”

That’s when a thought crosses you and your eyes bulge into saucers. You just left a minor at home with the stove on.You bust out the break room and make a sprint to go back home, cursing. Please don’t let the house be on fire and Sasuke in it. You’ll surely go to jail for child endangerment. How long has he been waiting in your office? Oh, for fuck sakes.

—

_“Shit shit shit shit!” You curse waving at the smoke coming from the oven. The beeping in the house was annoying and honestly, cooking was fucking annoying. The one time you wanted to try and be romantic, cook a nice dinner, wear sexy lingerie with a robe, the food wants to burn to ashes. How lovely._

_Glancing around you, you grab a broom and start hitting at the fire alarm, hoping to shut it off and praying that it doesn’t initiate the sprinklers in the house._

_Your home was a newer development. When your father died during the last war, the last of your clan, you decided to demolish the whole perimeter, to rebuild something new, something up to your speed. Thankfully, the sprinklers did not turn on, but the house smelt of burnt steak. You ran to open all the windows, wiping at the sweat off your brow and cursing when you slid the back door open to give your neighbor a full view of you in bright-red laced lingerie._

_Your neighbor paused from her gardening, staring at you with a leveled look. You were sure she was used to your theatrics. It wasn’t the first time something crazy has happened at your home. Like Hayate convincing himself he was a bird and jumping off the top of the roof when he was really drunk. Or Yugao running around the neighborhood completely naked as a dare. Even Shisui, being too wasted out of his mind taking a nap in the yard because he couldn’t get in the house. You could go on and on, however, her gaze alone was scathing. You were the worst neighbor._

_You awkwardly lean against the door frame, wrapping one side of your robe in front of your chest and wiggle your fingers in a wave._

_She did not return the gesture and you curse, for the twentieth time within the hour before retreating back in your home. Glancing around the kitchen, you sigh and pull the steak out, that looked more like a slab of a rock from lava and grimace. You reach above the cabinet and grasp a bottle of liquor and sake, pulling cups out with it and set it on the table, next to the burnt food. At least make it look presentable right?_

_Your attention is back at the clock. He’d be here any minute now and that’s when you remember! Run the bath! Run the fucking bath! So you hop up out of your chair, sprinting up the stairs and into the bathroom, filling the tub with water and sprinkling epsom salt with essential oils into the tub and whip your head around the room. Where are the candles?! Forget it. He’ll have to do without, you crack the window in the bathroom, and rush back downstairs, sitting down with more force than you expected and end up scraping the chair on the wood floor. You pour the glass of liquor in your glass and sake in another cup, glancing around the room._

_The door finally opens and you get comfortable in your chair, making sure your robe falls open just right as you lean an elbow on the table._

_“Why does it smell burnt?”_

_You bite your lip but your eye twitches. “Welcome back!”_

_Shisui rounds the corner and smiles at you. “Thank you, three weeks too long, yeah?”_

_You return his smile while lifting yourself out your seat and saunter over to him, wrapping an arm around his neck. You smell the scent of sweat and woods, with remnants of smoke—not from your burnt food—. “Too long,” you purr, grinning when he catches you in a quick kiss._

_“Did you burn something?” He teases, glancing behind you._

_You laughed awkwardly. “Uh, yeah! I tried to make wagyu steak and it just like... uh.. yeah, it’s burnt.”_

_Shisui bites back a smile, his dimples prevalent as he withholds his laughter and pulls away from you to remove the tanto from his figure. He tilts his head up slightly, “Did you leave the water running?”_

_“Oh my shit!” You yell, leaving him on the bottom floor to sprint back up to the bathroom and curse—again— when the water is close to overflowing. You hear him laugh from downstairs. “Shut up! Just come up here and bathe, you stink!”_

_His laughter echoes throughout the house before he’s behind you, peeling the clothes off himself and letting the gear clank to the ground._

_You turn around to face him and lean against the counter of the sink, smiling despite the flush from running a marathon around the house. “Okay, so how was the mission?”_

_Shisui kicks the clothes to a corner with his heel before he dips his feet into the water, submerging himself shortly after. “Long, you know the new person?”_

_You tilt your head. “Uhm, the Hyuuga guy?”_

_He nods, rolling his shoulders before sighing from the relief of the hot water. “He ended up getting captured and we had to retrieve him. Took a couple of days.”_

_“Yikes.” You respond, crossing your arms underneath your breasts. Just to give them a little more perk. To at least try to maintain the appeal._

_Shisui looks over at you with a smile. “Enough about that, what’s new with you?”_

_You purse your lips. “I did a quick scout the other day, but that’s about it. I came back a few nights ago.”_

_“How was that?”_

_“Too easy,” you reply with a confident smirk._

_Shisui chuckles and leans his head back against the tub, closing his eyes. “Yugao make her move yet?”_

_You groan. “No, she’s hopelessly in love and it’s sickening.”_

_“I’m sure a lot of people could’ve said the same about us.” He laughs._

_“Yeah, but we’re a cuter couple, don’t you think?” You ask, now sitting on the edge of the tub, looking down at him with a small smirk as you play with the strands of his messy hair._

_“Of course, I would think so.” He murmurs, eyes opening to flit over to you. He pulls his hand from the water and presses his palm on your exposed thigh._

_You grin and lean down to him, meeting him halfway for a kiss._

_“You know, as much as I’d love a piece of you right now, I’m hungry, and what you made isn’t edible.” He says before laughing from your expression._

_“That’s why the alcohol is next to it! We get drunk and then eat it!”_

_Shisui stares at you with an incredulous look. “You’re kidding.”_

_“Nope!”_

_He huffs. “I’ve had burnt food for the past three weeks, babe. I’m not eating that!”_

_“Hey! I spent hours into it!”_

_“That’s why it’s burnt! You don’t cook wagyu for hours, love.” He laughs again._

_You glare at him, pulling at his hair to get a reaction from him._

_He hisses from the sharp pain, but could only smirk in victory when you lean down to kiss him again._

_“So, I’m assuming you want take-out.”_

_He reaches for your neck to pull you closer to him, and kisses at your collar bone. “Unless you want to cook something else- wait, never mind. I’ll cook.” He chuckles against your skin._

_“I’m not that bad!”_

_Shisui’s gaze flicks back up to you before the both of you burst into laughter again. “Cooking is not your strong suit.”_

_You huff, placing a hand on the other side of the tub to keep you from falling into the water. “I’m better at other things.”_

_“Oh? Care to show me?” He hums._

_You grin, slipping the robe off from your shoulders. “Of course, my love.”_

—

You burst through the door and breathe a sigh of happy relief when the house didn’t smell burnt. Sasuke is sitting at the island counter on a bar stool, eating at the two pots with chopsticks and a soup spoon.

“You’re okay.” You affirm, exhaling a breath in relief as you walk over to the other side of the counter and lean over it, resting your head on the cool granite to control your heavy breathing.

Sasuke looks over at you. “I couldn’t find the plates.”

You wave a dismissive hand. “It’s okay, sorry. I had to deal with some things.”

He nods slowly. “Are you always like this?”

You blink and lift your head to look at him. “Like what?”

“All over the place.” He murmurs, dipping his head to stare at the food.

You let out a breathless laugh, grinning, maybe for the first time in awhile. “All the time.” You admit.

Sasuke has a faraway look, his mouth moving on autopilot. “That makes sense then.”

“What?”

“It makes sense why my cousin loves you so much.”

_Loves?_

Sasuke’s eyes widen momentarily. He just slipped up. Oh, you smart ass fucking kid.


	4. Burn It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just graduated w/ my Bachelor’s and will be doing grad school in the next year. So I had lots of time for this lol. The next chapter is gonna be a complete flashback. 
> 
> Side note (S/N): Kakashi is like... a few years reader’s senior and it’s kind of cool—at least to me—to write about their relationship and how it comes off since they’re both witty and just opposites in people.

Play the child in distress. Keep it under ropes. Make it believable.

Your attention is fully on the youngest Uchiha who refuses to meet your gaze. “Loves?”

Sasuke stares out into the living room. “I like to keep his memory alive.”

Oh, he’s good. Of course he is. He’s an Uchiha. You’ll play the game, though. And it’s a promise you’ll play it better.

“Right, well.” You start, pushing yourself off the counter. “I’m going to do some work. I would prefer if you stay close-by.. but since you’re well, emancipated.. you’re technically free to do whatever.” You give him a last smile before trekking down the hallway to your office, pausing momentarily to see if he’s looking your way. He’s not, so maybe he doesn’t know about the scrolls sitting in your drawer.

You peek a head into your office, making sure nothing is out of whack before stepping in. You feel a presence and remember what Kakashi said, a new individual, watching within the shadows and you huff. You peer out the window, noticing the golden-hour rays from the sun setting. The individual would be on a break soon and that’s when Kakashi shows up. You take a seat and stare at the papers in front of you that are stacked amongst each other. So thick that it would take you months to sort through them. Administrative work. Ah. Isn’t that what a secretary is for?

There’s a slight scuffle out the office and you hear Sasuke walk up the steps. Probably to go lay down or do whatever a kid his age does. How would you know? When you were his age you were running around with the big dogs, trying to prove you were worthy of the Anbu mask. And finally, when you realize you’re by yourself and alone to your thoughts, your mind starts to wander and you automatically reach for the bottle of liquor under your desk.

Your hand pauses at the bottle-head when your captain’s voice rings through your head. _Take care of yourself._ Your better judgement won and you left the bottle where it was. “Take care of yourself,” you repeat, running a hand down your face. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

You unlock one of the drawers and pull the scrolls out, observing how ordinary it looked. It was yellow from the old-age and you’re wondering why Shisui would have taken it. You were aware there were some secrets he didn’t want to share and you had some of your own as well. You just didn’t know how devastating his secrets were and as you contemplate, you could only wonder how far he would—the Uchihas would go— in order to save the name. You remember many times, of the things he would say, that you wouldn’t spare a second thought to. _Family takes care of their own._ How far would he go? If his loyalty from Konoha wavered, what was his definition of peace then? It had to be something. His sacrifices had to be for something. Something else that would cause the leaf village to second guess his motives. They were so sure he didn’t kill himself as stated. And as you’ve thought many times, replaying scenarios, wondering how life would be if you made a different choice... It always fell back to the same conclusion. Your loyalty would always be to Konoha and Shisui knew that. So, is that what caused the events to play out the way it did? For him to create a false pretense in an effort to mitigate risk?

You felt a chair across from you scrape and withheld a squeak. “You couldn’t knock?” You ask, a hand automatically flying to your chest. “I almost shit myself!”

Kakashi hums and points at the ceiling. He didn’t want Sasuke to know.

“Right.” You whisper and push the scrolls to him. “I don’t have a reason to keep them.”

Kakashi opens the scrolls with a simple flex of his fingers, a light glow emitting from his hand and lifts his hitai-ate to reveal the red eye. He quickly scans through the scrolls in silence, besides, it’s only a matter of minutes before the presence comes back to watch you.

You’re wringing your hands together, glancing around your office when you remember. The letter he left. “I have something else too, I need to find it.”

“What is it?” He asks, his attention still on the scrolls in front of him.

“He left a letter.”

“What does it say?”

“I... didn’t open it.” You admit, puffing your cheeks out with a straight face when you notice your captain look up at you momentarily with a look. The look he gives when he questions your ability as an Anbu. “It’s been a tough time, okay?”

Kakashi pulls the protector back down over his eye, rolling up the scrolls. “It’s just about the history of the sharingan.”

“That doesn’t make sense on why he would take it.”

Kakashi stares at you for moment, contemplating, appraising even. “I’m going to take these.”

You nod, almost eagerly. “Please.”

He glances around the room as well, searching for an speck of something that may be out of place. Out of the ordinary. “Did you share an office with him?”

“He didn’t have one. So I guess? Oh, wait! Sasuke might have slipped up.” You remember, leaning forward over the desk towards Kakashi. “I think he knows something.”

“Figure it out. And also, play it cool.”

You grin, you loved reconnaissance missions. Even if it was in the presence of your own home. You’ll take what you get at this point. What’s the saying? Beggars can’t be choosers.

There’s a spike of chakra in the air and Kakashi freezes momentarily and gave you a knowing look. The both of you felt Sasuke walking—as quiet as a mouse—towards the office. “Have you been taking care of yourself?” He starts, a bit louder.

You shrug, leaning back into the chair and avert your gaze to a corner of the room. “I’m going insane sitting at home. I need to be doing something.”

It’s too late for Kakashi to sneak off. Sasuke was already aware of another person and that’s when you remember the scrolls and push them into Kakashi’s chest. From the way he was sitting, if Sasuke decided to walk in, he would only see his back and your front. Kakashi glares at you but says nothing, clutching the scrolls against his chest. “Well, you need to stop drinking, for one.” He starts coolly, with eyes still narrowed at you in your half assed attempt to rid the scrolls.

“What can I say? Alcohol calls my name.” You say smugly. _That’s what he gets for keeping you out the loop._

“I think that’s what we call an alcoholic and immediate suspension. I’m sure you don’t want to be teaching Genin for the rest of your life.” He warns. A double-edged meaning. _Try him and you’ll lose your position._

You grin, biting your tongue. “Of course, Taicho.” You respond. The two of you sit in silence, challenging each other in a battle of who blinks first. A silent battle of the wits if you will.

“Sasuke, you can come out now.” Your gaze is still on your superior.

Sasuke peeks from around the corner but says nothing. He looks almost irritated that he was recognized so easily. Poor kid will learn how to hide his chakra better, eventually.

Kakashi cranes his neck back and smiles. “Sorry for the intrusion, I need to talk to my soldier about her... personal choices.”

Sasuke waits for a minute, almost as if he’s waiting for something else, then walks off, a scowl present on his face.

“Watch him.” Kakashi finally says. It came off more as an order.

“Yes, sir.” You reply, the mock salute coming when you hear him click his tongue.

“If there’s even an inch of a mistake from you, I can’t save you. Remember that.” Kakashi gets up, with the scrolls in his arms, almost awkwardly from how long it was. “There’s no room for mistakes. Let’s hope I didn’t misplace my trust in you.” And in a second, he’s gone as soon as the presence outside your home returns.

You exhale the breath you’ve been holding and slump into your chair, staring at where Kakashi was sitting previously. He could be scary when he wanted to.

—

_“God damn it!” You cursed, landing on your back in a sickening crunch. Your kunai was flung in a different direction when you lost your footing, the Anbu mask flying off your face and you’re on the ground, glaring at Kakashi._

_He stood poised, the sharingan in his eye watching you, predicting your next move. “Are you sure you’re supposed to be on my team?” A mock that causes you to narrow your eyes and get on all fours as you cracked your back into place. “I assume your training with Shisui would have you at least a little more skilled in... fighting.”_

_“Ha ha.” You scoffed, standing to your feet, finally. You glanced at the tattoo on your forearm and look up at Kakashi. You already knew what he wanted you to do._

_Your family was once a prestigious clan, able to call upon dragons within a beckon. The folk-lore of a clan that battled alongside the best of the best. The founders of Konohagakure. Kind of tough shoes to fill when you had no idea what you were doing or how they did it._

_“Maybe I’ll transfer you to a less hands-on department.”_

_You almost growl but keep your mouth shut. He wanted you to summon it, but the damn summon would take almost all of your chakra and you weren’t on the level to be able to tame the dragon that would come from the skies. It was too risky. Too dangerous. Hell, the dragon could kill you if it wanted. You’ve heard stories from your mother’s side about distant family who would be burned alive in attempts to tame the beast._

_“What are you scared of?” Kakashi taunted, digging his hands into the pocket of his trousers. “You don’t think you can control it?”_

_“I can’t.” You agreed, cringing at how weak you sounded. Your mother always told you that it took years, decades to tame a dragon. It was feral, a mind of its own. Summoning it was like gambling life or death. The dragon may or may not fight on your behalf and even if it did, it could burn you into ashes, just like that._

_“Then, you’ll die.” Kakashi responded, disappearing behind you to kick your injured back into the ground._

_You barely evaded him and sat perched on a tree, ignoring the throbbing ache within your spine. “It’s dangerous!”_

_“Your job is dangerous.” He stated, looking up at you. “If you can’t even control your own power, then you’re useless to Anbu.”_

_Ouch. Your pride went in the gutter and you narrowed your eyes. You lifted your left arm into the air._

_The two of you were on the outskirts of town, kilometers away actually. Because in the event you did summon it, it could be catastrophic at best. You watched as the ink from the tattoo liquified and lifted into the air, where the ink was embedded into your skin previously, turning a bright red. Almost immediately after, the clouds parted way and the clicking sound of the dragon could be heard along with a distant screech. You felt your chakra tighten the bond to it and watched Kakashi’s fascination. He had only heard tales about it being used during the war alongside the fourth Hokage. You felt the heaviness lace into your body and grit your teeth, lowering you arm to watch as the dragon flew straight towards you, mouth wide to burn whatever was in proximity. The embers started to ignite within its mouth, the jagged teeth baring when you immediately jumped to the opposite direction, watching as the fire scorched a straight-line for miles. “Fucking hell, Taicho!”_

_Kakashi sprung into action, moving his hands in precise movements to incapacitate it by a series of jutsus.“You have to control it.”_

_Worry was starting to dread into you as you stared hopeless. The sounds of trees burning and timber falling from the intensity. You could practically hear the fire roar from the strength and velocity of the damage that singed everything in its wake. “I don’t know how!”_

_“Then figure it out before it burns the whole village down!” He shouted, eyes narrowing at you as his chakra holds the beast’s jaw closed. The crackling sound and cries of the dragon echoed throughout the field, with each thrash, more trees fell into the fire._

_You rush towards the dragon. It’s like a goose-chase at this point as it thrashes in the air, the power of its tail sending gusts into the fire that only exemplifies the destruction. Summoning a burst of chakra to your feet, you launch in the air to saddle on top of it, withholding a scream by the grit of your teeth when it continues to thrash and you’re almost flung off. You climb up the scales, and glance down at the ground. Oh, if you fall you’re dead. You’re trying to remember what your mother told you._

_Look in its eyes. You are its owner. Don’t be scared._

_And you snort, because you’re scared shitless and you look like an idiot being flung around like you’re riding a bull. Finally, reaching the top of its head, you flip off onto the highest branch to stare up at it, watching as the ember starts to ignite in its wake again. The mouth is about ten times the size of your body and you’re thinking in your head, how embarrassing it would be to die from your own dragon. Hilarious actually. Kakashi would put that on your tombstone. Here lays the idiot of the century. And oh, by the way. She’s useless!_

_And almost as if the dragon recognizes you, it leans its head down, staring at you with recognition and curiosity. Its mouth is still open—having already snapped the chakra strands that held it closed—, ready to blast you with fire that you’re sure will leave you in ashes. Your bones would probably be burned too. Might be like a good ol’ barbecue smell. Kami help you, please. You move in slow motion, not wanting to antagonize it and lift your hand up above your head, right at the tip of its nose._

_It huffs, the smoke coming out the tendrils of its nose and burning you. Similar to the clouds of a sauna and the heaviness of wildfire smoke, you’re overwhelmed. Willing yourself to pull the last few bits of your chakra, you emit a glow from your hand—the same limb where the tattoo was—to show that you are familiar. That the blood in your veins is intertwined with the dragon. That you are your mother’s daughter. Finally, it nuzzles its snout against you, almost knocking you back and falling to the ground. “Return.” You say on instinct and the dragon breaks free surfing back into the skies before its body disappears. The ink on your skin turning black once more.You stare down at what looks like an ant at this point, Kakashi and he nods in satisfaction. You hop back down carefully, ignoring the burning in your joints and the heaviness in your chest._

_“Wasn’t so hard was it?” Kakashi asked, already having doused out the fire by a water jutsu and admiring the burnt woods that stretched for miles in that specific direction. He’s in awe, almost as excited as when he gets the new perverted book he loved to read._

_You don’t respond, slumping to your bum with your knees pressed against your chest. “That took a lot out of me.”_

_“I guess I don’t need to transfer you after all.” He mused._

_You glared and lay back, utterly exhausted. “So, I’m not completely useless, then.” You peeked an eye open to look at him, noticing him still admiring the destruction the dragon had left. “So, what would you have done if I couldn’t control it?” _

_ “We’d be burnt like toast.” Kakashi chuckled, more to himself than you.  _

_ Your mouth droppped. He’s joking right? “You didn’t have another plan?!”  _

_ “Nope.”  _ _Kakashi laughed, tossing a rice ball to you. “Up soldier, we’re not done yet.”_

_You tossed your head back against the ground and groaned._


	5. Jealous, Who?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 for 1. Consider this a filler cuz its bout to get realllllll angsty.

Your relationship with Kakashi was the definition of annoying. He knew how to push your buttons. Alway and it never failed. It didn’t help that he was your squad captain and seemed to find joy in your distress. Especially during times where it was life or death. He loved to gamble with your life, you were convinced. Which is how you ended up in the hospital with one too many burns and a gnawing ache that perimeters your whole body.

Your damned fucking dragon scathed the fuck out of you when you summoned it. It killed everyone that it needed to, but burned you in the process and knocked you into a fast-flowing current. If it wasn’t for Itachi—who thankfully was put into the group last minute—and his quickness, your body would be rolling down a stream—hitting rocks on the way—and eventually falling to your death if you didn’t already die from drowning.

You squinted your eyes at the bright light while hearing Kakashi’s amused tone.

“She had it under control.”

“She could have died.” Shisui’s annoyance was prevalent. Oh, he’s here, too?

“She has to learn how to control it. Otherwise it’s a useless benefit she has.”

“Do you hear yourself, someone under your watch could have _died_.” He emphasized the last word. You could hear the Uchiha in him, then. Pretty sexy if he were to ask you, but you continued to listen in.

“Don’t question my methods.”

“She almost drowned!”

“And Itachi saved her, she would have been fine. You need to focus on your own team. How I handle mine is none of your concern.”

“She is my concern.”

“And that’s why you two aren’t on the same team anymore.” Kakashi muses and faces you. “Morning!” As if he wasn’t just bantering with Shisui. He must have known you were awake. It’s so like him to start something with your boyfriend out of spite.

You’re still squinting, the burns on your skin raw and you feel like you have a hangover ten times heavier than when you first became the legal age to drink. “Did I look like an idiot?”

Kakashi hums at your dry humor. “Very graceful falling into the river, like a swan. Until you hit a rock, then you looked like a pin ball.”

You snort and wheeze out when the laugh pulls at the skin of your burns. “Was it embarrassing?”

“Only when you fell off the dragon. You did good though, better than the last time.”

You nod and sigh, sinking into the uncomfortable cot.

“Well, I need to report to the Hokage. Stop by the office when you’re rested.” Kakashi states easily, giving you his usual eye smile before he leaves the room without so much of an acknowledgment to the Uchiha next to you.

Shisui narrows his eyes at the banter. “That was rich.”

“What was?”

He shakes his head and uses a wet cloth to pat at your forehead. “His way of leading seems... unorthodox.”

You shrug and close your eyes. “He wouldn’t let me die if it came down to it.”

“Your life isn’t a game.”

You open your eyes to peer at him. “I’m okay.”

“It could’ve easily been prevented. Why do you think it’s so funny that you could have died?”

“It’s just dry humor.”

“That’s not funny.” He flatly states and sighs irritably.

“It’s just how he is, relax. I’m here.”

Shisui didn’t respond and continues to pat at your face, there was a stone cold look in his gaze. He is not amused by Kakashi’s theatrics. The gag is, Shisui gets along with almost everyone and even enjoyed Kakashi’s company at one point. More recently, he seemed to be more annoyed and off-put by his semantics, finding Kakashi’s humor and intuition to be spot-on in situations that he had no business in putting his nose in.

It’s safe to say he kept that same energy for the next few days. Of course, he was the same old, same old. His usual witty and smiling self but you could feel the tension and his distaste for your captain.

Kakashi, seeming to catch on easily, is enthralled by the Uchiha’s emotions and teases you in front of him. A light graze on your shoulder, when he sees you in the building or asking you to stop by in his office. He wouldn’t do anything, just keep you in there with light conversations long enough to make Shisui irritated.

It’s only when you’re placed on a minor leave of absence to heal over your wounds when Shisui noticed the bouquet of flowers sitting at the doorstep. A note on it from none other than the copy-cat ninja.

_Apologies for the last mission. Just want to see you at your best. Take care of yourself._

Shisui bit his cheek, contemplating on throwing the flowers away and just huffs, bringing them inside the house and leaving them in a dusty corner where you wouldn’t normally look. “That’s rich.” He murmurs, and glances around the empty house.

You’re currently out with Yugao and Kurenai, running some errands and probably going off to get lunch with them. He wasn’t normally a jealous person and had the most respect and confidence in you, but the silver-haired knew how to push his buttons and seemed to enjoy sitting in meetings with him with a smug look on his face just because he knew Shisui was bothered.

And it didn’t make it better that you’re accustomed to his theatrics. Like who the hell jokes about falling fifty feet from the air and landing like a pin ball?

He would go visit his favorite cousin. Probably vent. Figure out what to do. So Shisui ventures over to the Uchiha compound, an area he visits maybe a few times a week. He had brought you over a few times, but noticed Fugaku’s adversity in you. You weren’t an Uchiha, and the older man found great displeasure that Shisui had no plans on marrying one. A waste of a blood-line if you will. Gotta say it in Fugaku’s voice as well.

“Good morning.” Mikoto smiles when she see Shisui walk along the path, giving a slight wave with her free hand.

“Morning, need any help?” He asks, gesturing to the garden she was tending to.

Mikoto brushes her hands on her apron. “No, thank you.You need to bring Y/n for dinner, Sasuke’s been asking about her.”

Shisui smiles. “I’ll let her know.”

“Itachi should be here any moment. How are you?”

Shisui continues to smile at his aunt. She’s a breath of fresh air, literally. Poised. Smart. Not biased. Didn’t have dry humor. Or enjoy joking about death. “I’m okay, I’m just.. uh.” He scratches at his head. “Y/n got hurt on her mission and I don’t know how to really explain it.” He could talk to her about anything. Girl problems particularly. Despite Fugaku’s apprehension in his girlfriend, she seemed to take a liking to you.

“Oh? Is she alright?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. But, I don’t know how to really like... not cross boundaries at work. You know?”

Mikoto nods understandingly. “That makes sense. It’s just one of those situations you have to work on. Leave your personal life at home and separate from your work life.”

Huh. She made it sound so simple. Shisui spots Itachi and gives her a last smile. “Thank you, you make it sound so easy.”

She waves a dismissive hand. “Remember, I want to see her for dinner sometime!”

Shisui laughs. “Okay, okay! I’ll talk to you later!” He jogs off towards Itachi who gives him a knowing look.

“What is it?”

Shisui’s smile drops. “I hate him.”

“You don’t hate anyone, you’re just jealous.” Itachi responds, walking with him through the compound.

He rolls his eyes. “No, like he’s unbearable! And she just takes it, like she’s fine with it!”

Itachi sighs and looks up at the sky, as if it would give him the right answer or maybe even strength to deal with Shisui’s energy. “She doesn’t really have a choice. He’s her superior.”

“Itachi.” Shisui deadpans and faces him, hands on his shoulders. “He sent her flowers. Flowers!”

“He probably feels bad.”

“I need to do something better.” Shisui starts to plan, his eyes twinkling.

Itachi sighs again. “It’s not a competition, you already won her over.”

“But, that’s when the love starts to fail! When I think I won, I have to do something to really wow her.” Shisui states. The two of them are strolling into the main district at this point when he spots you, easily. Your hair is down and the way you carried yourself is compelling. Man, he’s a hopeless romantic.

You’re in civilian clothes, sipping on a drink with a few bags in your arms as you walk with Yugao and Kurenai. You notice his gaze and wink before you disappear back in the crowd.

“She saw me. We have to plan something, quick!” Shisui grabs at Itachi’s arm and pulls him in a different direction.

Itachi only rolls his eyes but follows him. “What does she like?”

“Uhm, she likes jewelry.. not a fan of flowers... but, she’s such a sucker for pastries. But then again, she doesn’t like them too sweet.” Shisui ponders. “Oh! She likes those things that you know, do the things in the bath tub.” He gestures with his hands.

“What?”

“Like the things that explode in the tub?”

Itachi shakes his head. “You’re hopeless.”

“No. Don’t give up on me, yet.” Shisui begs, jutting out his bottom lip at the younger Uchiha.

“How about you take her out or cook for her? She’s probably stressed over what... happened.” Itachi responds, even a slight smile wants to show on his face but, he suppresses it when Shisui glares at him.

“I do that all the time, I need to really, like-“ Shisui makes an explosive gesture with his hands. “-wow her.”

“I repeat. You’re hopeless.”

Shisui grumbles. “I don’t know then, you’re the worst wing-man.”

Itachi rolled his eyes and looks at some of the items in the shop. “I don’t think you need to go all out, she’s in love with you as it is. Your personality... and all that comes with you.”

Shisui grins. “Aw. You mean that?!” He pretends to swoon.

“Unfortunately.”

Shisui ignores the last comment. “Alright. I know just what to do! Thanks!” He runs out the shop.

It takes a while to prep, but after some convincing, he gets Mikoto to help make dinner at the house. Peering over her shoulder with curiosity, he’s multitasking by folding a hand-towel. “Why do you do that?”

“To make sure the steak is still flavorful and cooks evenly.” Mikoto responds, chuckling as she uses the liquid from the steak that’s mixed with herbs to baste on top.

“Oh, okay.” He places the folded hand-towel on a hook and looks around the room, grabbing a broom from the corner to sweep.

Mikoto notices him from the corner of her eye and smiles. “I want nieces and nephews.”

Shisui chokes on his spit. “Huh?” Then notices his lack of manners. “I mean, what was that?”

“Children, Shisui. They would be so cute.” She gushes.

He laughs nervously. “R-right now?”

Children. With you? He could see it in all honesty. It might be a shit show at best, but he knew you would be a wonderful mother. A quick learner. Kids running around the house. Hopefully they would get your hair and eyes. And hopefully they wouldn’t be too off the wall like you were sometimes. But, he could see it.

“Of course, I would hope you’d marry her first.” Mikoto teases.

His face turns red as he sweeps. A domesticated you was attractive, wouldn’t it be? To see you in civilian clothes all the time, a ring on your finger, and your hair up. But Kami. You could not cook. Mikoto would have to teach you. Then, he remembers who you are. You’re too much of a shinobi. Too eager to join the fight. You couldn’t be domesticated. He finds you equally attractive in a jonin vest or your anbu gear. Your hair tied up as you fight alongside him or whoever. But, maybe. You could be both. You probably could. He realizes how hot his face is—probably looks like a tomato—and Mikoto’s smirk on her face was enough for him.

“Okay, auntie! In due time.” He eases, laughing softly. “We’re still young.”

Mikoto shook her head softly, a teasing smile still on her face.

For a moment, Mikoto reminisces, a fond expression that graces her features as she looks at the pictures of you and him in the home, and then finally at Shisui. She sees so much of his mother in him and there’s almost sadness in her eyes. Her gaze wanders to the picture of you and memories of your mother fills her mind. How your mother would gush about how cute you were. How she would be so excited to take Mikoto shopping with her in baby stores, even to the pain in her eyes when she realized that she wouldn’t be coming back home to you. Mikoto remembers the exact moment life was taken from your mother. The dragon fighting so hard to deflect from the bursts of attacks by its wing as your mother laid on the ground, using her last bit of chakra to tie the bond between her dragon and to you. Tears that left trails down her dirt-infested face as she murmured the sacred spell with her last bit of breath. And as she inhaled her last breath, the dragon let out a deafening cry, burning everything in its wake including her, before it flew back into the clouds.

“Your mother would have loved her. I’ll let you go though, I need to cook for the kids.” She gives him a quick, lingering hug before leaving his home.

That’s right. His mother. Who fought alongside your mother as well in the war. The stories the family would say about how your family was able to summon dragons from the sky to assist in the battle. How they were able to ride them as if they were stallions. He heard all about the tales. The distaste in Fugaku’s tone when he spoke about your family. The respect that was still within his tone. A well-respected clan that left behind an only child to fight in a war. He would call your family stupid, for sacrificing so much for an unstable village. At the time, Shisui thought nothing of it. In fact, he found it pretty cool as a kid to learn about other families and their dynamics. Mikoto had mentioned your father loved you so much, he had entrusted everything to you in the event he didn’t return home from the war. Land, riches, all of that. Your mother had the same love, ensuring that her family within the Lightning village would watch over you until you became of age. And somehow, you had still managed to remain humble, kind, hot-headed—yes absolutely—, but beautiful. Like how a wild-fire would create new plants, new life onto the earth even after destruction. Like how the last of rain would leave a beautiful mist of humidity with the smell of fresh water wafting throughout a field. Like how lightning crackles into the sky, illuminating the clouds in bursts of light. You were devastatingly beautiful to him. And honestly, he could see a life with you. A future and everything in between. From the moment he laid eyes on you.

Of course, he was young. Only a child at the time he met you. Marriage was entrained into his life so young. The Uchiha ensured of the purity of the blood-line with him set to marry a distant cousin. However, his arranged marriage was doomed as soon as he set eyes on you. As soon as you walked up to him, in your little outfit that had your family’s crest of a dragon embedded on your sleeve. Fire in your eyes with bursts of lightning behind it. His mother would tease him. Tell him that you’re dangerous and that he wouldn’t be able to handle someone like you. That you were better off being with a Namikaze or an Inuzuka. But, he didn’t listen. He never would. Especially if it meant he could have you in his life.

He heard the door open and blinks out of his thoughts, quickly stowing away the broom and dust-pan where it belongs.

“Hey,” You kick off your sandals and stop when you see him in the kitchen with a lost look. “Are you okay?”

“Never better.” Shisui responds, a wide smile on his face.

“You cooked?”

Damn, he was never good at lying to you. “Is that even a question?” He laughs.

“Right, who came? Itachi? Hayate?” You named off names, grinning at the horror on his face from you knowing him so well.

“My aunt, actually. Oh, by the way, she wants to have dinner with you later.”

You walk over to the kitchen and grin. “Aw man, I love her food.” You’re practically squealing from excitement. And turn around to hug him. “And you cleaned? My lucky day.”

Shisui chuckles softly and wraps an arm around you. “I guess so, huh.”

“What’s the occasion?” You ask, burying your face into his collar as you breathe in the scent of him.

“Mm.. just want to let you know I appreciate you.” He was not going to admit it was from a result of his jealousy. Nope. He needed to keep his pride intact, hello. What does he—an Uchiha—look like admitting he’s jealous of some copy-cat ~~loser~~ ninja. And, two points for him. You didn’t notice the flowers in the corner.

“You’re brilliant.” You mumble, kissing at his neck as your hands scour against his chest, squeezing the areas you know he’s most toned at.

Shisui laughs, showing you his dimples that you love so much. “Thanks, I like to pride myself in being just that.” He laughs harder when you swat at him.

“You’re so cocky!”

“Because, I can back it up.” Shisui wiggles his brows as he evades from you hitting him again. He strides away effortlessly and grabs plates from the cabinet. “Sit, let’s have dinner.”

You watch him from the dining table. “Can we have drinks?”

“What is up with you and drinks?” He shakes his head, but grabs a bottle of wine from the wine rack.

“I heard it helps me get pregnant easier. It’s a known fact.”

Shisui splutters, eyes wide as his ears turn red. “Huh?!”

You snort, intertwining your fingers as you lean your chin on your hands. “Yup, I’m locking you in Shisui Uchiha. You’re not going anywhere.”

Shisui bites his lip and thank the lord above that his back is faced towards you. He’s stuck between whether or not he wants to die from how easy you make him flush or how vocal you are.Nonetheless, he brings the bottle over to the table and pours you a glass. Either it’s a woman thing or you and Mikoto had a conversation. At least he knows now that you don’t plan on leaving him. How could you? He’s so much better than Kakashi.

Easily masking his embarrassment, he just smiles charmingly at you as he sets the plate in front of you. “Got it planned already, don’t you?”

There’s a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Duh, why do you think I make sure you don’t pull out? My legs are strong for a reason.”

Shisui chokes on his drink when he notices your smirk. “I hardly think that’s the reason I don’t.”

“Oh?”

“You feel too good to pull out.” It’s his turn to smirk, watching as your cheeks tinge pink.

You bite your lip, watching him from across the table and cross your legs. “Careful there, sir. Wouldn’t want any mishaps.” You mumble, biting into the food with your gaze still on him.

“Seems like you want to tell me something.” He muses, copying your actions.

You narrow your eyes with a playful smile that he returns instantly. There’s a short moment of comfortable silence and you’re convinced that you are absolutely smitten by him and everything about him. From the dimples to how a vein protrudes from his neck every-time you catch him off guard. From how he never has to make you question his love to how every-day with him seems so easy. Sure, you had your moments and arguments with him, especially during the beginning of the relationship when you two were just now getting to know each other romantically. However, you both were at a point that communication was so easy with each other. It was so easy to talk to each other, to understand. The relationship was so seamless.

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Me neither.”

You jut your tongue out between your teeth, a grin so wide your teeth sparkled. “I want dessert instead.” You reach over to grab the collar of his turtleneck, pulling him across the table to meet you halfway in a kiss.

Shisui only smirks in response and pushes the plates away while his lips are on you, lifting you out of your seat to have you on all fours on the table. “This is kind of hot.” He mutters.

You hum in response. “Let’s make it hotter.” You pull your shirt off, swinging your legs over to dangle on either side of his form where he’s sitting and lean back on your elbows. You stare at him through your lashes as he pulls your pants off. He’s seated in between your legs, grinning—like a child on Christmas—at the sight in front of him.

“Agreed. Stay just like that.”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk Uchiha to me.”

Shisui chuckles, his head ducking below to kiss at your thigh. “I think you just have a thing for authoritative figures.”

“Only when they look like you and talk like that.”

“Yeah?” He asks, peering up at you with heavy-lids. A wide grin adorning his features as his dimples come into display when your mouth parts from his finger playing with the edge of your panties. “Let’s test out your kink, then.”

***

“Shisui?”

He’s sprawled on the couch with you, a light blanket covering both of your bodies as you laid on top of him. His eyes are closed as he basks in the moment, there’s flush in his cheeks that’s starting to disappear. “Yes?”

“Are those flowers?” You mumble, pointing at the bouquet in the corner.

Whoops. “Yeah. Kakashi brought them over.”

“When?”

He buries his face in the crook of your neck, chuckling awkwardly. In an attempt todistract you, his hands find your hips and he squeezes them.

“Stop trying to distract me!”

“Uh... this morning?”

“Wow.” You came to a realization, pulling his face away from you as you stare into his eyes with a wide smirk. “That’s why you’ve been like this! You were jealous!”

“Why would I be jealous of someone who reads Icha-Icha?!”

“Shut up! You read it too!”


	6. Dream of Me

Years passed in a whirlwind. The mission that was assigned to locate a missing-nin rendered useless and you were left with thoughts that had you question your suitability and ability to continue on as an Anbu. Kakashi had returned several months after your findings empty-handed with only an irritated expression that in turned gave you the cold shoulder. As a result, you were relieved. The better word is fired with all your dignity thrown out the window as Danzo sat in front of you with the most smug expression ever. He won. Again. 

_“It seems that her oath to Konoha has swayed, I hardly think she’s fit to continue on within the organization.” Danzo’s voice booms throughout the room of captains and commanders. The Sandaime sits next to him with a pensive expression._

_Your gaze lifts from the ground momentarily, eyes meeting Danzo’s before you lower your gaze once more. You can feel Kakashi next to you. The echoes of his words before he left rolling in your mind in tumbles. Don’t misplace his trust. And you did just that. Lead him into an ambush and return back with months wasted over following trails of a ghost. As much as he wanted to believe that you were sane and capable, everything you told him was met with dead-end after dead-end._

_“The way she chooses to cope is in no means healthy. Does anyone honestly think she’s able to carry out her duties? She’s a ticking time-bomb.” Danzo continues, an aura of confidence surrounds him as there are affirming hums and nods from other Anbu members._

_The Third Hokage clears his throat and addresses you by your full name. “You are relieved from your duties effective immediately.”_

_You swallow the growing lump in your throat and raise to your feet. What’s the point in fighting it? Danzo’s word has precedence and everything he said was true, albeit a bit misconstrued. Refusing to cry, you bow before turning around to leave the room. A brisk walk with your head held high because you didn’t want them to see you weak and vulnerable, even though your past actions have already shown time and time again that you are anything but strong. There’s murmurs that echo throughout the room that cause you to finally duck your head as you take long strides towards the door. It’s like your heart just fell to the lowest region in your body and all you can hear is the Third’s words bellow into your ears. All because you couldn’t let go of a dead man._

You stare below the cliff, watching the current of the river and noticing the waterfall that crashes into the river.

“Please don’t tell me you’re contemplating on jumping.” Yugao stands behind you, pulling her Anbu mask to rest on top of her head.

You had sent for her to meet you when you returned from your mission, and her—being the great friend she is—meets you not a second later.

“Do you trust me?”

“With my whole life.” Yugao responds easily, there’s slight hesitancy in her voice when she notices you step closer to the cliff. She takes a step towards you, an arm outstretched to pull you in the event you jump.

_“Wait.” Kakashi jogs up to you and grabs your wrist pulling you to face him. The Third follows not far behind him._

_You already have tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and stiffen, hands flying up to swipe at the salty crests that were starting to form. “Allergies, I’m not crying. I swear on it captain.”_

_Kakashi stands in front of you, covering your body to give you a moment to wipe your tears before the Hokage is within a range to see you. He digs his hands into his pocket and looks away. You’re sure whatever he’s going to tell you is going to be icing on the cake. Like, guess what? On top of being relieved, you won’t get a severance pay either! Instead, he steps aside and lets the Hokage appraise you for a moment before he speaks again. “I’m resigning from my position, which means there’s a spot that needs to be filled.”_

_“Oh, okay... I’m sure you’ll find someone great.” You force a confident smile, hands clasped behind your back because you’re wringing them. Could he kick you down any further? Guess you’ll find out._

_“With the Hokage’s blessing, I’d like to pass you my role as captain.” He turns to the Sandaime. “There’s no one better. She knows the team, they trust her with their lives. And you remember what we spoke about earlier this morning.”_

_The older man doesn’t give much away from his poker face, only lets out a puff of smoke from his pipe._

_“With all due respect, Danzo made it very clear that I’m not fit—“_

_“That you’re not fit for your duties.” Kakashi cuts you off with an icy breath. “My duties are different. I can’t think of anyone else that would be better to lead the team.” He doesn’t smile but you hear sincerity and you know that’s better than nothing because the cold shoulder he’s given you has been utter agony. He looks back at the Hokage and gives a slight nod, a silent affirmation between the two._

_“Probation status until further notice. Prove to me you’re capable and I’ll consider it within a year whether to keep you.” The Hokage agrees, finally looking at you_.

_You blink back tears that want to form again and just shake your head up and down with each word he says. You look like a bobble head._

_“Please stop doing that. You’re making my head hurt.”_

_You crack a smile at the Sandaime. “Yes, sir.”_

_The Hokage gives you a slight nod and turns to Kakashi with a look that you can’t quite place. They stare at each other for just a few moments before he turns to head back inside the office, leaving you with your cap— former captain._

_“Thank you.”_

_Kakashi places a comforting hand on your shoulder. He makes no effort to speak or even acknowledge what he bestowed to you and you’re okay with that. It’s a start. Him even acknowledging you is a start. He pats your shoulder once with a gloved hand before he makes his way back into the town center, leaving you to stand in front of the Hokage’s tower with a dumbfounded smile._

You finally turn to face her and stand with your back to the falls. “I’m sorry about Hayate.”

Her arm is still stretched towards you, a flash of pain that crosses her features.

“I was gone, I should have been here to help. Maybe Sasuke wouldn’t have left.”

Yugao swallows the lump in her throat. “It’s handled. You’re back now.”

Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. A two year reconnaissance mission with your team. While Konoha dealt with an internal invasion, you were tasked to to deal with more global affairs. Thankful, you were thankful to still have your job, yet, it seems like the Third had every intention in keeping you far away for a reason. And you’re not sure who to trust since you’re back now, because it seems like everyone has their own secrets. Kakashi. The Third. A secret you weren’t in on.

She hesitates to usher out something but her gaze never falters. The sound of the falls behind you is enough to cushion the conversation. White-noise to prevent a prying ear from listening from a distance. As smart as she is, she is easily perceptive. “Something’s going on. Not just the Sand Village’s invasion. Something else.”

It was a simple confession, yet, you knew the underlying meanings. You were the one of the few who only had the highest clearance, hence, your position in working in international affairs and dealing with the external threats of the village. While other battalions worked within the walls of the village, you were tasked with the outside walls. She was confessing that there was something—a covert operation— that only a select few were privileged enough to get in on. And even if Root didn’t know what it was, that meant the operation was top secret for a reason.

“Like an internal problem?”

“I think it’s bigger than that. Everything is hush, I did see Tenzo coming in and out of the Third’s office. Whatever they’re working on, it means that this is just the beginning. Maybe they’re planning for a war.”

You feel a surge of chakra from nearby and place a finger to your lips. Someone’s nearby.

Catching the warning, she changes the conversation. “There’s a lot of things going on, you’ve missed out on a lot.”

“I figured. They keep placing me on these missions far away. I think they don’t want me to go digging.”

Yugao pauses as she looks down at her still, outstretched hand. For a minute she clenches and unclenches her hand, one of her many coping mechanisms. She contemplates as the two of you continue to look at each other. Gazes that never waver. “Yes.” _Yes. I will be your eyes and ears._

You grasp her hand. Her grip on you tightens and a smile reaches her face.

“I have too much to lose.” Yugao holds your hand tightly.

“It wont fall on you.”

She nods resolutely. There’s an unspoken promise between you two at that point. No lies. No empty promises.

—

_Run. Don’t quit. Never quit._

You sprint through the forest, muscles burning in aggravation from the excessive use as you jumped over branches. Your lungs screamed for you to stop, begging for you to prevent over exhaustion because your visions was becoming blurry and you could feel your tattoo burn from the amount of chakra you’ve used up. The dragon overhead is burning everything in sight, searching for the person who’s chasing after you. You didn’t look back, hands grabbing the top of the branches above you to swing over it, lips in a tight line as you propelled yourself up despite the heaviness of your body. Your forearms throbbed from the pain, but the adrenaline rush quelled the deep gash just outside your side. The blood soaked through your shirt, bleeding more from the force of your movements as you maneuvered through the greenery. You couldn’t stop, death wasn’t an option.

You reached over your head to grab another branch when you were knocked backwards. Eyes widening as you hit a stump and start to fall. Your arms stretch outwards, desperately clawing at anything to stop your fall and you let out a feral cry as you pull your body to the closest thing next to you. You were hanging by the pads of your fingers, swinging, trying to lift yourself back up when you see it. You see _him_.

“Long time, love.” His voice is barely above a breathless laugh. Red eyes that burn into yours as he stands on the branch you were hanging off of. His eyes.. both of his eyes, still intact. He wears no hitai-ate, but he has on his usual jonin gear. His tanto gripped tightly in his hand as he holds it on his shoulder, a look of dangerous playfulness that he reserves only for someone he intends to kill.

At that exact moment, you let go. Because you’d rather die than face reality. And you fall. Eyes still trained on the man above you because you’re committed to him being the last thing you see before death welcomes you with open arms.

Let it go. Quit.

And then you wake, body shooting upright as you look around the empty room. Your gaze scans the surroundings around you and you let out a breath you’ve been holding. It was just a dream.


	7. The Six

They say dreams are just figments of imagination. But, it doesn’t explain the vividness of how real a stab wound felt. The way the kunai dug into your side and penetrated through all the layers of your skin until it touched the bone. Surprisingly, after that last dream you had many months ago, the lack of vivid dreams comes as a hard awakening. Working yourself to exhaustion, you could find yourself sleeping anywhere. So, as you sit upright in a dimly lit room from the moon, you can only stare in front of you in confusion. It was the same dream. Same critical aspect of being vivid, so real. Your hand goes to your side and you let out a breath of relief. There’s a constant ticking-noise from the clock that makes your attention go to it.

In a few hours, you would have to wake up and get ready to brief the new Hokage—Tsunade—on your latest mission. Then, find yourself in your office probably overflowed with paperwork’s and documents. Signing off on legal work and reading through briefs and meetings that you’ve missed out on for the time you have been gone. And for a moment, you’re almost relieved that everything is back to normal. Time away meant time that wasn’t wasted on a ghost. A distant memory of your lover. It meant that your time wasn’t spent in believing figments of imaginations to be reality.

You throw your legs off the bed and begrudgingly get up to slip on some clothes, grabbing a kunai from your pouch to tuck on your body before you leave the house to go for a run and make a mental note to thank your neighbor for looking out for the exterior of your home while you’ve been gone. Your feet move on autopilot as you run through the town, basking in the moments of silence and how empty the paths were. The usual hustle and bustle of Konoha during the day time had an impact on you, ever since you’ve found yourself on longer deployments, longer times in battle, less time around peace and tranquility. Just from someone bumping into you, your body would move on instinct and have them in a chokehold with the closest weapon to their throat. And as bad as you felt afterwards, you can’t throw away the things you’ve seen, the things you hear as you sleep on a tatami mat in a tent before you wake up to fight all over again.

Reconnaissance missions can easily turn left and for the past few deployments, you’ve seen it turn left more times than you can count. Your team moved with precision, depending on each other to cover one another’s back and you were forever grateful that it didn’t take a long time to reach that level of trust amongst each other. It created a sense of family from so much time being gone. You’ve gotten to learn about everyone’s past and present, what they cared for the most. The oldest man in your team had a spouse and kids. The youngest was a prodigy within the Hyuuga clan. Maybe you should go and thank Kakashi later in the day, besides, he handed you a golden team on a silver platter.

You find yourself on top of a cliff, overlooking Konoha, and pause to take a moment to bask in the beauty of a silent village. A trained killer to sense everything, you sense the soft breezes of the morning and the birds that have started chirping. You sense the civilians starting to wake up to start their day as each one leaves their home within the town center to go to work. Your hands find your hips and you stare off. Peace is a virtue that you were never blessed with. Losing your family to a war. Losing your lover to an internal war. Losing yourself even. It took deployment after deployment, to find yourself. Find your footing again and as you take a moment to reflect, you realize that you were never good at sitting still.

—

You tap your pen on the edge of your desk, staring at blurred lines from your inability to focus on the words in front of you. Kami. How could anyone ever sit in their offices and work all day? Pushing your chair away from the desk, you jump up and grab the flak jacket, shrugging it on your shoulders as you will yourself out your office.

“Taicho!”

Fuck fuck fuck. “I’m on lunch!” You call out, cringing at your sorry attempt of a lie. It was only ten in the morning. Ignoring your soldier’s plea to go back in your office and work, you push through the crowded hallways and run to the door, laughing when you’ve finally made it out with so much as another person calling you by your title.

Contemplating on where to go next, you let your feet take control as you take in the summer heat. A few moments later, you find yourself at a training ground and blink at the two kids before you.

They turn to face you with an equally confused look.

“Hey...” The blonde haired with the whiskers started. Oh, right. Naruto. The demon-child. “You look familiar!”

The pink haired hits him on the back of the head. “Idiot! Can you be more rude?”

Naruto points at you. “Where is Kakashi-sensei?!”

You blink. “I don’t know?”

Naruto crosses his arms and squints at you. “Are you Kakashi-sensei? Pretending to spy on us?” He runs in front of you and takes a closer look while sniffing you.

You narrow your eyes. Kami, please help you because you really don’t want to rock a kid’s shit. Not when you just got back. “Back up.”

“Naruto, what has gotten into you?!” The pink haired girl grabs him by his collar and throws him back. “You are so rude!”

What was her name again? You immediately regret your decision and wish you had stayed back in the office to do paperwork. Your hand goes to pinch the bridge of your nose. Then, your eyes widen. Sasuke’s teammates. Shit.

“I am so sorry, we’re just waiting on our sensei and we’ve been waiting for a long time.” The female speaks again, smiling at you with gullible innocence.

You wave a dismissive hand and dig your hands into your pants. “No problem, what are you guys learning today?”

Naruto scoffs, seated on his bum as he rubs at the bump that has risen from getting hit by the pink-haired girl. “Our sorry excuse of a sensei doesn’t tell us until he shows up.. if that even happens!”

You scan the training grounds, a hint of nostalgia hits you, and you shrug away the thoughts that want to arise. The ones including Shisui. “Want to spar until he gets here, then?”

The female blinks a couple of times. “I don’t-”

“YES!” Naruto yells and grins. “Wanna see something cool?” He extends his palm as a swirl of blue starts to circulate. Rasengan. You’ve seen Kakashi use it before. Obviously, the kid just wanted to pass time while waiting for his instructor. Poor Naruto, you knew exactly how he felt.

A grin breaks out from his contagious aura. “Want to see something cooler?” You summon your dragon, the lining of the ink on your forearm turning a crimson red. Thankfully, your time deployed has taught you how to control your power. Much more efficiently and better than when you first summoned it in front of Kakashi.

Naruto’s eyes widen as he watches a dragon come from the skies, flying overhead as it lets out a gleeful screech. “Woah, Sakura you see this?!”

Sakura stares up at the sky in shock before it changes to recognition and she looks at you. “You were Sasuke’s caretaker.”

You close your hand into a fist as the dragon flies off into the ether, the line work turning back to black. There’s no emotion in your eyes from the name of the kid you failed to look after, yet, you still feel a pang of guilt against your rib cage. “Guilty.”

Naruto opens his mouth to respond when his attention goes behind you. “Kakashi-sensei, you’re late!”

Ah. His attention span is one of a fish. That still doesn’t deter you from the anguish that clearly shows on Sakura’s face or the fact your previous captain, who you haven’t spoken to in years is behind you.

Kakashi ushers out an excuse—one you’ve heard before—and you bite back a snort when Naruto starts to yell at him and call him out on his excuses. Sakura seems to find herself out of her thoughts and crosses her arms, seemingly attempting to prevent her anger from knocking Naruto upside the ahead, again.

You pivot on your heel and start to head off back to the office. Maybe slipping off is better than addressing the elephant in the room and it seems to have worked, because Kakashi doesn’t say a word to you and the kids are enraptured by his lateness they don’t even notice you sneak off.

As soon as you’re back in your office, you groan at the added pile of paperwork and situate yourself back into your chair. This was just punishment at this point. Begrudgingly, you get back to work and hours go by. Slowly, because you keep looking at the clock and find other things in the office to focus your attention on. Like how dusty the bookshelves were. Or how you can hear footsteps and whispered conversations outside your door from lower ranking soldiers. Then, you notice a manila-colored folder that sat underneath the pile of paperwork. There was nothing listed on it and you know it wasn’t there when you left.

Glancing at the closed door to sense for anyone nearby, you finally open the folder when you sense no one. It’s a list of coordinates and time stamps on the first page. The second document has code-names of six people. The third are pictures of locations you’ve never seen before. You furrow your brows as you look at each document side by side, trying to make sense of the information in front of you. Six people meant six high-ranking individuals in on the operation, not including the Hokage. Speaking of, the rise of Tsunade as the new Hokage means that there’s a chance she’d be more willing to let in what the Sandaime refused to.

You pushed yourself out of your chair and grabbed your flak jacket, shrugging it on once more. Something in your gut told you to not dig. To not jeopardize the position you were handed, yet, secrets were your biggest pet peeve and if Shisui had taught you anything, it was to always dig. Dig and dig until you knew the truth and nothing but the whole truth.

_Shisui leans forward against the railing. His arms crossed on the metal bar as he contemplates. There’s a faraway look that betrays everything he has tried to withheld from you. The turmoil within Anbu and the coupe from his family that threatened every type of dictatorship of the village. He wanted to do more. Needed to do more. He just didn’t want to threaten your position, not even want to bring you into the folds of the internal war between the village and his clan. A box sits, nestled within the pockets of his trouser and as he feels your presence behind him, a lump starts to grow in his throat. There was too much to lose. He couldn’t lose you._

_“Penny for your thoughts?” You lean your back against the railing, your back facing Konoha as you take in the breathtaking view of the Anbu building._

_Shisui forces a smile and nudges you gently. He turns his head slightly to press a quick kiss to your cheek before he stares back off towards the infrastructures of the village. “My thoughts are more expensive.”_

_You angle your body to face him, taking in his side profile with nothing less than awe. He was gorgeous. Curly hair that framed his face, accentuated his jaws. Dimples that would show whenever he laughed or smiled. Lashes that fluttered so effortlessly when he would blink. Calloused hands that could be so gentle or so hard, depending on the situation he was in. He was nothing less than perfection. Too perfect for this world._

_“You noticed I’ve been being more distant, I’m sorry.”_

_Shisui turns to face you as well and smiles apologetically. Because he is sorry. He’s sorry that he can’t indulge you in the whole truth. Not until he’s finished what he’s started. There’s a look of fear that crashes throughout his features. He wants to get down on one knee, present you the ring that’s in the box because there’s nothing more than wanting to build with you. Build a family, build a foundation that he can fall back on. Yet, the constant fears in the back of his mind gnaw at his thoughts. Because even though he was confident his genjutsu would work, he was equally as confident that there was a possibility that it would all fail. That he would leave you in a corrupted world with nothing but memories and fear._

_“It’s okay. Will you eventually tell me why?” You reach out to grasp at his hand, relishing in how he squeezes back._

_Shisui doesn’t respond, the many silent responses that you’ve come to learn. He inhales a sharp breath and uses his other hand to dig into his pockets, fishing for the engagement ring that he’s kept tucked away for a specific moment. When he notices you chewing on your bottom lip, he feels his heart clench in pain. There’s too much at stake, who would he be to involve you?_

_“Look, I love you,” Shisui starts. You’re too intelligent for your own good. Too kind for a world full of evil. Too beautiful for someone else, because he can only see himself with you and the selfishness in him wants you to himself. Yet, as he looks at you with nothing but sincerity, his heart is begging for him to let you in, but his mind is telling him to keep you as far away from the problem._

_You raise a brow. “I love you too, are you breaking up with me?”_

_“What? No!” Shisui objects and runs a hand through his hair. He leans closer to you and cups your cheek, there’s pain in his eyes. Pain that fluctuates in every limb of his body. “I love you. I always will.”_

_You frown and lean into his touch. “Then what is it?”_

_“Promise me, you’ll stay the way you are. Stay true to the village.”_

_Shisui doesn’t want you to fall into the greed of power. He doesn’t want you to become someone he doesn’t recognize. He’s preparing for a world that you’ll have to live without him. It’s bittersweet because there’s nothing more than he wants, to be with you for the rest of his life. To love you so passionately. To wake up everyday to you. Yet, as days grow closer to his plan and things start to move into motion, he can’t help but fear the worst. Fear that you’ll move on and find someone else. Someone who doesn’t have as big as an obligation of him. But, how could anyone not love you? His mind changes and he hopes one day, you’ll find someone that loves you as much as he loves you, if not more. He hopes that you don’t wallow yourself into guilt. He wants you to find someone that’ll take you for who you are. That will know you wake up early in the morning to run. That you enjoy coffee more than tea. That before every mission, you pray for the safety of your team. He hopes that they’ll find joy in you always wanting to be around your team, that you see them as your only source of a family. God, he hopes that they’ll have a backbone to combat your fiery nature. He hopes that they spoil you in nothing but love and everything you ever wanted. He hopes that if he were to not ever return to you, that they’ll bring you out of your pit of depression and that they can help you find yourself without him._

_Because as much as he wants to be confident in himself, be confident in his ability to accomplish his mission, he feels something that border-lines intuition that it’ll go wrong. The possibility of not returning to you bites at his soul. He can’t fathom seeing you in tears, or even imagining that you would mourn the loss of him. That you would be standing in front of his grave with nothing but nostalgia and an empty heart._

_“I promise.”_


	8. The Ghost

It’s a known fact that you and Danzo don’t get along. At all. Despite your rise in rank and your maturity in certain situations, you being in a position to bark out orders puts a dampen on his plans. On top of that, the new Hokage has a new way of ruling that leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He’s well aware of a covert operation in place from the Sandaime’s rule before he passed, and he’s also aware that you have no idea what it is, which gives him a leverage. A small one, but a leverage nonetheless. If there’s anything that anyone knows about you, it’s your inquisitive mind that can be portrayed as being naive, annoying, ignorant, emotion-driven, and the list can goes on, but what Danzo sees, is danger and power. Add that with the knowledge of what Shisui’s instilled in your mind and that leads to destruction and chaos.

He’s well aware that you know about him, but your ability to not oust him means that you don’t have substantial proof and he’s worked with that for almost a decade now. What he wasn’t aware of was that the covert operation was based around him and that the six tasked were all people who knew about what actually happened with the Uchiha clan and that would become his own demise.

The plan was to let everything play out, create enough of a ruse to have everyone at ease, but when little ol’ you wants to start meddling, it creates friction. Friction that Kakashi has to subsequently handle despite his apprehension in you. You’re a fire-cracker, an emotionally-driven individual. But, you’re smart and your maturity the past few years proved you to be a damn good captain in the Anbu. So, when he finds out that you’ve been snooping with the help of a fellow purple-haired Anbu soldier, he has to do a clean sweep. What he doesn’t expect, is for you to know about the coordinates and arrive at the same time he has, in the same exact place.

Kakashi stands in a clear field, hands in his pockets when he feels a subtle breeze of wind. To any normal ninja, it’s just wind. The clear field and the forecast has no projections of any gusts. Someone’s there. His focus lasers in on any type of presence he can pick up within his radar, gears turning in his mind to try and figure out who it is.

Who he was supposed to meet caught the drift as well, staying hidden within the shadows and keeping their chakra signature invisible. Glancing around the field, he sees nothing, but when he looks up, he sees no clouds. You got pretty good at controlling your dragon, he’ll give you that.

“Nice day isn’t it?” He calls out, directed towards you.

You’re standing behind him, lacking your Anbu gear and only in a flak jacket and your usual attire. “Who are you supposed to be meeting?”

Kakashi glances back at you and smiles. “No one.”

“Cut the crap.” You mutter. He won’t tell and you know he won’t. “You’re part of the six in the covert operation.”

“What operation?” He turns around to finally face you.

You tilt your head slightly, eyes narrowing. The both of you stand still in a silent stare-off for awhile. Neither of you blinking, until you blink and concede defeat. “Why are you here?”

“Trying to find a place to train my team. If you wanted to see me, you could have just invited me out for ramen.” Kakashi teases, but his eyes lack mirth.

You shift on the balls of your feet, trying to make sense of the situation. Maybe it’s coincidence that Kakashi was here at the specific coordinate. It doesn’t make sense on why someone would come here to meet someone or to scout it out. The clearing is too empty, anyone could see within a ten-mile radius, which makes no sense to you. If he was here to meet someone, wouldn’t they go somewhere more discreet?

Your fault was that you trusted the silver-haired man with your whole life. He handed you his old position to save your ass and you’d be forever indebted to him. So, as you’re gnawing on your lower lip, trying to understand the situation within itself, you can’t help but trust him as you’ve done before. “I found out something.”

He nods, waiting for you to continue.

“It’s like some covert operation, I found these coordinates listed and I wanted to see if I could get any insight on it.”

Kakashi hums, squinting his eye slightly. “Is this another one of your mind playing tricks on you things?”

Ouch. He’s referring to your idea on Shisui being alive. “No, I have proof on this one.”

“How?”

You lean forward to him. “Trust me on this, please.”

He sighs and places a hand on your shoulder, taking a moment to think before he speaks. “I think... you need to stop involving me in your side-job of trying to play detective.”

Your eyes widen in shock. “These secrets... don’t you think it’s weird that no one knows about it?”

“A village prospers from secrets. The last time you tried to uncover secrets, it cost your job. Do you really want to go down that path again?” He reasons, squeezing your shoulder. “I can’t save you from this one and quite frankly, if Danzo finds out you’re snooping, it’s only ammunition to ruin you.”

He has a point. He always does, but you’re stuck with this resolve on finding out. Conflicted because you needed to know the truth, but you didn’t have it in you to risk your job anymore. You’re not the hero in this story, not even a main character in the grand scheme of things. You didn’t have clout to do something risky, any wrong move you’d be ousted out of your position and seen as a prime-example to other Anbu candidates of what happens when you go digging.

“Anyways, what do you think? Is this area large enough to train Naruto?” Kakashi glances around the field again. “Especially Sakura, she can be scary.”

You swallow the pit in your throat and nod, scanning the surroundings as well. “Yeah.”

“Fantastic. How about we go for some ramen? My treat.” He smiles. “You have to tell me how it’s been being a captain.”

You groan and turn to walk away, heading back towards the village. “You didn’t tell me it’d be this much paperwork!”

What you don’t see is Kakashi following behind you and throwing a glance behind him. Nor do you see or notice the remnants of a genjutsu wearing off.

—

Things start to come to a head when the ever prevalence of Akatsuki is leaking into the village. More missions for Anbu and other ninjas. Less time to put any thought into this operation that is hush-hush. Even your conversation with Tsunade brought nothing remotely close to light. Yugao hasn’t been able to find anything to help this cause of shedding truth and it’s proving to be futile to even think about it. Nothing makes sense. Every paper trail led to a dead end, the only thing you know is that Danzo knows about it and that’s enough for you to assume that the operation is either him leading it or about him. So, as you’re trying to rack up your brain with ideas and possible leads, you only come up with another dead end. Your mind falls back onto Shisui, and for a moment you feel pain. Pain because you know that you need to let it go. Let him go.

Everything you’ve done, every action you’ve acted on, was all a byproduct of him. Your ethics, morals, and principles, all fell from him. It drives you insane, makes you feel like some hopeless idiot, still trying to keep a memory alive that isn’t there anymore. So many relationships you’ve passed up on because you can’t get him out of your mind. You can’t get the hurt out. You need to let him go.

_Let him go._ It runs through your mind each time, more than it ever has. You lean back into your chair, staring at the mounds of paperwork in front of you. It’s time enough isn’t it?

Picking up the pen, you start to work on your paperwork, ceasing the thoughts of your dead lover and ready to turn over a new leaf. You had no choice. It was about time anyways.

What really surprised you is when Shizune runs into your office and tells you that your presence is requested. There’s a sense of urgency in her voice, one that’s telling you it’s serious. There’s a lot of things you feel at the moment that are being suppressed by your instinct to block out whatever emotions you have to get the mission done. You’re in Tsunade’s office, glancing around the room to see a few teams including Team 7 and when your gaze lands on Kakashi, you understand what it’s all for now. It’s regarding Danzo. 

“... leave now.”

You were tuned out for majority of it, only catching a glimpse of what she said. The only thing you could focus on was Danzo and something about Sasuke. While Kakashi’s team seemed determined and skeptical because of having to deal with Sasuke, your gaze fell on Kakashi, trying to read him and failing once again. He was void of any emotions and you found that odd.

Everything was starting to come to a head now and as you followed behind the teams with your own Anbu soldiers, you fall into step with Yugao. The mission is to either capture or kill Sasuke and save Danzo. As much as you’d rather watch him rot, you had to remain impartial and it took everything in you to not steer your soldiers a different direction. Something seemed off as you watched Kakashi’s body in front of you, his demeanor, his lack of emotion, and the rigidity of his form. Years spent being taught under him only made you hyper aware of his subtle cues, this being one of them. Danzo was going to die if you didn’t appear at the same time as him, but he was going to die anyways even if you did arrive on time. The only difference is if you appeared with the other team, his death would fall on you and Anbu, resulting in a failed mission and a blood bath.

What you didn’t know that Kakashi had leverage in is that he already knew Danzo’s death would fall in the hands of Sasuke, and if you arrived a few moments later than them, your team wouldn’t be at fault for the inability to save him. He’s only hoping you would catch his cue and trust him.

Kakashi glances back at you, it’s the lingering look. _Let him die._ You hesitate for a moment before you watch the distance grow between yourself and the other teams, forcing your soldiers to fall into step with you.

“Go ahead.” You order, glancing at Yugao through her mask. 

You can sense her hesitance, but she obliges and orders her own team to follow behind the others while your three stayed behind.

You answer her silent question. “Give me a moment, I need to regroup.” 

“We don’t have a moment.” She responds quickly, gesturing to the woods. “Every second lost is our window of opportunity slimming.” 

You shift on your feet, purposely stretching your arms. Just to be a few minutes off, you were counting each second, trying to come up with a plausible lie. You needed to think quick and grimace. “Go. I need to regroup.” 

She hesitates. “If this is what I think it’s about—,” 

“Go.” You order, a finality in your tone that causes her to listen and head off. She turns back to glance at you, hesitating once more before she disappears to catch up with her team. 

“I need everyone to trust me.” You roll your shoulders, steeling your emotions so no one can sense your own apprehension. The thing is, you weren’t completely sure if Kakashi’s cue was to fall back or something else, you were only hoping your initial thought process was right and this wouldn’t be the cause of your demise. There’s a sense of familiarity as you scan your surroundings, but as you count to the final second, the thought washes away as you steel your emotions. “Okay, let’s go.” 

What Team 7 didn’t expect was to see Danzo being killed right in front of their eyes by Sasuke. The sword hilted into Danzo’s body before sliding back out, causing Danzo to fall backwards off the cliff and right in front of where Team 7 stood on the lower field. Yugao was barking orders for everyone to surround the individuals on top of the cliff and not to engage until ordered. 

Naruto’s eyes widened at the scene in front of him. He slowly looked over to Sakura who wore the same expression of shock and disbelief and Kakashi’s chakra behind him was sparking in anticipation.

“Kakashi-sensei, who is that?” 

As soon as he said his name, Naruto freezes, his brows pinching in disbelief. The whispers and the rumors from that name alone.

Shisui waves his tanto leisurely between his fingers, a smile sporting his lips as he steps forward. “You aren’t looking for me still, are you?” He’s looking directly at Naruto, but speaks to Kakashi and the silver-hair is well aware.

“Seems like I don’t have to. You found us.” Kakashi responds coolly. A kunai is already within the palm of his gloved hand. 

“Sasuke!” Naruto shouts, disregarding the other Uchiha in front of him. He’s in shock, watching his old comrade stare back at him with an impassive gaze. He can sense the tension, bubbling with anticipation, hands trembling from adrenaline, but most of all he’s in shock. Shock because he doesn’t understand why they sent several teams an Anbu to apprehend and potentially kill the two Uchihas. 

Sakura narrows her eyes but doesn’t say anything, instead grabbing the blonde by the wrist to silence him. It’s going to be a blood bath. 

“Lucky for you. I’m not here for you.” Shisui speaks calmly. He stands in front of Sasuke at this point. “And you’re better off acknowledging Sasuke has no plans in returning, either.” He speaks easily, each step forward with precision despite the amusement that twinkles in his eyes.

“I suspect in about a couple moments, the rest of your rescue mission team will be here to find their fallen leader in three,” Shisui lifts a hand and counts down on his fingers silently. As his index finger drops, your group appears in front of Team 7. 

You remove the mask from your face and stare at Shisui with a leveled look despite your nerves crackling from a myriad of emotions. 

Shisui grins. “I knew you’d come.”

“Naruto, how’d your training with Kakashi go?” You have a hand on the sword that’s strapped to your back.

“Good.” Naruto blinks, looking back and forth from you and Shisui because if this is the one Shisui was here for, it only meant he had every intention in either killing you or capturing you. 

“Can you handle it?”

“Yup.”

“Then handle it, I want the ghost.” You mumble, glancing back at Sakura. “Keep Sasuke here.”

She nods astutely while Naruto smirks. They both shout at the same time. “You got it, captain!”

Shisui’s in front of Kakashi just as quick, both of them having a moment of acknowledgement that’s missed from everyone before he flickers away. It’s a ruse.

You watch as Shisui flickers away and rush to follow him. Chasing after the lingering chakra signature of his as you follow him into the woods. It’s when you notice the area. A clear area. Too clear and too open. The same exact coordinates you found Kakashi in.

“Almost ten years too long.” Shisui muses, arms crossed as he looks down at you.

You scoff. “You’re gonna kill me next?”

Shisui frowns. “I could never do that, love.” He drops down in front of you as he scans your body. His gaze lingers on your lips.

“Then what’s your game plan?”

“Now, that’d be too easy.” Shisui murmurs, his hand reaches towards you, before he remembers the situation and drops it to his side.

“You’re not Akatsuki, then what are you? Just a rogue?” You ask cautiously.

Shisui shrugs. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know who you are anymore.” You don’t. You’re confused, nothing makes any sense on why he was with Sasuke, nor did it make sense in why Tsunade had sent the lot of you to retrieve Sasuke, unless she already knew Shisui was alive. Which only cause further confusion. Why was it a secret?

A flash of hurt crosses his eyes before he masks it. The grip on his weapon tightens.

“What’s your angle, Shisui?” You murmur, the sword already withdrawn from your sheath.

“What it’s always been. Family takes care of their own.” He repeats what he’s always said to you and notices your gaze harden. “The less you know the better.”

“Yet, you sought me out.”

“No, we killed Danzo. You coming was just the icing on the cake.” Shisui clarifies, circling around you while he twirls his tanto around.

“And you killed him because?”

Shisui pauses at your side. “You think there’s another reason than what you already know?”

You shrug, following his movements. “Im figuring out your angle.”

He smirks and taps his tanto lightly on your back before jumping away as you pivot to slash at him. “Good reflexes, love. Much better than before.”

“Stop playing games with me.” 

“It’s better if we’re on opposite sides for right now.” He says softly.

“For right now?”

Shisui shrugs with a smile that you know too well. “Things aren’t always what it seems.”

“Stop with the fucking cryptic messages.”

“Ah, there’s the fire I fell in love with.” Shisui swoons, dodging the kunai that flew at him with ease. “Oh, come on. You can do better than that, babe.”

You narrow your eyes and lunge at him, watching as his red eyes narrow all the same as he anticipates your attack. You switch directions and punch him in the chest, watching as he stumbles back from the force.

“Listen to me, I’ll give you information but you need to be privy with it.” Shisui warns, pointing his tanto at you.

“How do I know it’s not a farce?”

“You know I could never lie to you.” Shisui responds, a small smiling growing despite the situation you two were in. 

You lower your weapon and Shisui parrots the action, stepping towards you once again, more cautious than before. “There’s going to be a war.”

“How does that help me?”

Shisui takes another step and leans forward to press his mouth against your ear. “Look deeper into the Akatsuki.”

You blink and turn your head slightly to face him.

Shisui glances at you, his gaze flickers down to your lips again before he looks back at you. “I’m not the enemy, but you need to believe me.”

“Who do you work for?”

“Can I trust you?” He murmurs against your cheek.

“Have I proven you can’t?”

“Then trust me.” He whispers pressing a soft kiss on your cheek. A lingering one before he plunges a kunai into your side.

Your hands fly to his chest to push him back while a surge of pain embeds around the stab wound. You can feel how the kunai dug into your skin, lodged and embedded. Yanking the kunai out, you back away, out of the clearing. Your tattoo is burning, waiting with anticipation for you to release, but you don’t. Your gut feeling is telling you to flee.

Shisui’s demeanor changes. “Better run, love. Wouldn't it be poetic if I were the one to kill you?” He taunts.

You growl and back away, turning completely to run. As soon as you step out the field, you sense the chakras around you and notice the smoke that bellows from where your team is and you sprint away in the opposite direction. You can feel Shisui chase after you. He had every intention of killing you or taking you hostage in this moment and you needed to get as far away as you could.

You can feel the ache throb from the wound and bite back a cry as each jump on a branch causes the muscles to seethe at your sides. You can hear his laughs throughout the winds, the same laughs that would bellow out while he’s playing a game of cat and mouse against the enemy. As you land at one specific branch and haul yourself up another, your eyes widen. This was the dream you had.

“Long time, love.” Shisui coos at the branch you hung off of. There’s a knowing look as he stares at you with those piercing red eyes. As if he completely disregarded the conversation you two had within the field. _The field._ The field you two were in was under his genjutsu. Where the two of you could talk freely without anyone noticing your presence and once you stepped out of it, it was game on. 

You stare up into his eyes with a moment of realization, before you let go from the branch. And you fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Def doesn’t follow canon but it wasn’t supposed to anyways cuz Shisui’s alive!!! Reader is in fact, not batshit crazy, lol.


End file.
